


Ten Years

by Thursdays_Dove



Series: Near X Sayu [6]
Category: Death Note, Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bullying, Cancer, Canonical Character Death, Family, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Issues, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Single Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-08-29 12:36:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8489911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thursdays_Dove/pseuds/Thursdays_Dove
Summary: Single parenthood presents many challenges, not only for the parent, but also for the children as well other people in their lives. As the years go by, Sayu wonders if she made the right decision by not having Near as a part of their children's lives.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of a series. This can be read as a stand-alone, but we are reaching the point in the timeline where things might start to get confusing to readers who pick up in the middle. I would at least go back and read Gray Areas, but I don't think you will be totally lost if you want to start here.
> 
> Anyway, I wasn't sure for a long time how to go about posting this because it is broken down by date into smaller sections, so I hope the flow is easy enough to follow. I will post this in parts, and it is a work in progress so I will post as I am able - I have a full time job and a toddler, so I am not always able to sit down and write when I want to.
> 
> This is going to be a rough ride, but please hang in there! I hope you enjoy it, and thanks again for reading. :)
> 
> -Disclaimery thingy-

 

* * *

**September 6, 2016**

When Sayu was younger, she always imagined that when she had a baby, it would be a wonderful, magical experience. She would be the first one to reach down and touch her baby as it was pushed from her body. She would be the first one to hold it, the first one to smile at it, the first one to kiss it. She would be crying tears of joy and all the pain she had endured would be nothing compared to the awe of bringing new life into the world. And her husband would be there right along with her, shedding tears of his own. He would be holding her hand, stroking her hair, kissing her forehead, telling her how much he loved her, and thanking her for giving him a child. They would be this picturesque little family, complete with smiles and nothing but bright futures ahead.

But as Sayu had learned years ago, when her father first started spending more and more time away from home on the Kira case, things in her life were never going to play out like the perfect little fairy tale she had always dreamed of. Instead of sharing the experience of childbirth with the man she loved, she was experiencing it alone, alone even as she had the support of her mother at her side. As she bore down to deliver the first of the twins, she found herself straining and whimpering in solitude. There was no loving support from the father of her children, no shared tears of joy, no paternal gratitude, and it was all by her choice - a choice over which should could not help but feel a sharp stab of regret when she gave one final cry and felt her firstborn exit her womb and enter the world. It was a choice she lamented deeply when the infant began to cry its gurgling newborn cries, announcing to the world that it was here, it was here after 39 long weeks of being tucked away, hidden, hiding like Sayu wished she could be doing right now.

Hiding was the last thing she was able to do as she lay splayed out, legs draped wide open to allow access for all the medical staff in the room. Hiding was not something she was able to do when her mother came over with the first of the twins and tried to settle the baby down against her breast. Sayu tried to turn her head, eyes squeezed shut and shaking her head because she could not bear to look, could not bear to see the final result of the love she and her Nate had shared before everything had gone to hell. She tried to turn away to allow herself even a moment of grief, but her mother was there, gripping her arm hard to get her attention, telling her that she understood her pain, telling her that she had a responsibility to the tiny human she had just given birth to, telling her that the baby was hungry and needed to learn how to feed from her breast right away, right away while there was time for them both to rest and bond before the second baby came.

But she couldn't do it. All she could do was shake her head and sob in response, overcome with not only hormones and an emotional pain that reached deep inside of her and twisted until she could feel herself breaking to pieces all over again, but also a lingering, physical pain, pain that was coursing throughout her entire body at this point and also a shooting, flaming pain emanating from her loins and midsection, as she was still experiencing contractions. It was not over yet - there was another baby to push out soon, soon so she had to get to work feeding the first baby while she could.

While she had her head turned away, she heard a huff from her mother followed by someone tugging the front of her gown open and then warm, damp flesh settling against her own. Finally, she was able to break herself out of her aggrieved state, at least long enough to gaze upon the child, her child, Nate's child, and take it as she listened to instructions from her mother on how to get the baby to latch on and feed. Shaking, she tried her best to ignore the searing pain about her midsection and cradle the baby, trying to follow the instructions she was being given and feeling the tiny mouth open against her breast, searching on instinct.

She felt hot tears roll down her cheeks and her chest hitch as she watched the newborn feed for the first time. She heard herself ask for the sex of the baby and felt a bit of shame that she had not heard the original announcement because she had been too wrapped up in her own grief. She released a sound that was halfway between a sob and a sigh when her mother gently told her that her firstborn was a girl, a girl like she had always wanted. She brought a hand up and brushed her fingers through her daughter's mess of thick, dark hair, feeling herself begin to smile for the first time since the night before, when her contractions had started. The tears did not stop but only seemed to increase as she felt the gentle pull at her breast from the suckling infant. They flowed even steadier still when her daughter finally opened her eyes, their eyes meeting for the first time. Sayu had just enough time to catch a glimpse of their misty gray color before she was being told that it was time to deliver the second baby.

Her mother came over and took away her daughter, handing her back to one of the medical staff so that they could perform more of their checks on her, and then her mother was right back by her side, taking her hand and helping her through the birth of the second baby. Although it was still painful, though not as painful as the first time around, the second baby was free from her womb with much less effort than the first. She could see that this one was a bit smaller than the first, but everything seemed to be in order because they informed her that it was a boy and apparently he was just fine because he was already letting the world know just how well his lungs worked. This one she did reach out for, impatient even as they waited for the umbilical cord to stop pulsing so that they could sever it and hand over the baby.

Once he was settled in her arms, Sayu repeated her earlier actions and helped the baby to latch on, also reaching up with her free arm to touch the baby's soft tufts of hair, hair that was also dark, although a bit lighter than his sister's. Her son made a few soft, contented noises while he nursed, but soon the medical staff were wanting to take him as well to get him more cleaned up.

She allowed them to take him and leaned her head back against the bed, giving herself a moment to breathe while she waited for them to next deliver the placentas. She closed her eyes and focused on her own breathing, still not fully able to grasp the fact that she was now a mother. It was definitely not where she had seen herself this time the previous year. She felt too broken by everything to be anyone's mother, too broken even to love again, and until just a few moments ago, she was not even sure she would be able to love her own children. How could she love the children of the man who had betrayed her and broken her heart? A man who, after all this time, still had nothing to say to her.

As she lay back and felt her body tremble from the immense strain of childbirth, she reflected that once upon a time she thought she knew everything there was to know about love. Love was telling her parents she loved them every day before leaving for school – not out of habit, but because if something were to happen to her or to her parents, she wanted her last words to them to be a reminder of how much she loved them. Love was fondly remembering all the times she had asked her brother for help with her schoolwork, and how he had always been willing to help her, even after the many times she had gotten distracted and then cut out in the middle of things – how she would always return later to find the project finished for her. Love was what she and Nate had shared for eight wonderful months, using what was left of their broken selves to help heal each other. Love was also the grief that accompanied the loss of all those things.

And now she could add that love was being able to care for the children that had been born from the loss of her other half.

* * *

**October 8, 2016**

It was a good month before Sayu's mother would allow any visitors to see her or the twins, something which Sayu actually felt grateful for despite the fact that she was practically under house arrest. She was going through enough of an emotional roller coaster as it was, as well as all but ripping her hair out over trying to establish a rhythm with caring for the twins – not to mention the constant ups and downs during the night not only to tend to their needs, but also a persistent paranoia that someone would break in and steal her children from her side kept her up all night. Sometimes she could only sleep if she dragged out her blanket and pillows to the living room floor and slept there with the twins, so she would be able to hear better and respond faster should anyone try to break in through the front door.

Needless to say, the last thing she wanted to do was try to hold herself together in front of guests. Lucky for her, though, the only one of her friends who seemed truly interested in visiting was Matsuda – he texted her at least every other day to see how she was doing and to ask about the babies, so she figured it would be okay to let him come by for a visit. Besides, he was probably the only one who would not judge her for her current state of disarray.

Sayu was in the middle of folding laundry and her mother was tinkering around the kitchen with dinner when Matsuda showed up that evening, bearing a beautifully wrapped gift of money for Sayu and a pair of stuffed animals for the twins. Sayu accepted the gifts with some reluctance.

"You didn't have to do that," she said.

"Oh, pft," Matsuda shrugged, waving away her modesty, "I want you to have it."

Sayu smiled at him and led him to her children, who were sleeping together in a bassinet in the living room. He looked at them longingly, as if he wanted to hold one but was too afraid to ask, so Sayu prompted him by saying, "Would you like to hold one?"

Matsuda gulped, obviously nervous, and said, "You're okay with that?"

"Sure. I mean, you have held a baby before, haven't you?"

"Erm… Actually, no.. I haven't," he said, rubbing the back of his neck and turning a slight shade of pink.

"Well," Sayu said with a sigh, "Why don't you start with Soichiro? He's not as squirmy as Chihiro can be. And he ate not that long ago, so he will probably stay asleep."

"Okay," Matsuda said. "Um.. which one is-..?"

"Here," she said as she scooped up her son and showed Matsuda how to hold him. "Careful, you have to support his head."

"Got it.. I think," Matsuda said as he reached out to receive the baby.

"You _think_?" Sayu said with a raised eyebrow, "If you aren't _sure_ , then give-.."

"No, no, I've got him, Sayu. I won't drop him, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. See, look. He's still sleeping. That must mean I'm doing something right.. right?"

"Or he's too full to care."

"Ha _ha_ ," Matsuda said with a dry laugh, but was smiling nonetheless.

Sayu smiled back at him. "Here, why don't you trying holding him like this?" she suggested as she picked up her daughter. She demonstrated by positioning the baby tummy-down against her chest so that the baby's head was resting above her heart, and then leaning back against the couch. The little girl remained asleep throughout all the movement. "They like listening to your heartbeat."

"Yeah? Okay," Matsuda said and followed suit with the boy. He smiled as the baby made a small noise and shifted, but otherwise remained content and asleep.

For several minutes, the only sounds were the various clinks and clangs of Sayu's mother in the kitchen as she prepared dinner and the television news playing at half-volume in the background.

"There's just something about holding a baby, isn't there?" Matsuda whispered, breaking the relative silence. "They really are something else, Sayu. Really. Great work."

Sayu made a soft noise in response, but otherwise had nothing to say. Even as Matsuda was smiling and content, looking like quite the father himself, Sayu could not feel any joy in the moment. She was grateful for her children now that they were here and all, but the very image of Matsuda cuddling up with her son instead of the baby's actual father tore deeply into her. Not that she wasn't grateful to have Matsuda as a friend, but there was something unfair about sharing this moment with him instead of Nate.

Even after everything, she felt a deep sense of loss and regret and still wondered if her decision to not tell Nate about the babies was the right one. She wondered where he was at that very moment, what case he was working on, if he was thinking of her at all… Probably not. He was probably happy to be rid of her, free again to focus all of his attention on his cases without having to worry about her, a civilian, finding out anything else. Despite how interested he had been in her, she knew he would never be interested in children. The World's Greatest Detective, solving crimes and chasing after children at the same time? She couldn't picture it.

It was all she could do to keep her emotions in check. She held her daughter against her, buried her nose against the baby's cheek, and inhaled, taking in the pleasant, sweet scent that was ingrained in her memory.

"Sayu?" Matsuda whispered, so as not to disturb the baby resting against his chest, "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," she replied just as quietly, though of course it was a lie. Nothing felt all right.

* * *

**December 24, 2016**

_Do you mind if I swing by after work?_

Sayu looked down at the twins as they were latched on, feeding, and thought about it for a moment before responding.

_Sure. What time?_

_Probably not until 6 or 7. That okay?_

_I guess that's fine. Do I need to ask my mom to make dinner for you too?_

_Nope. Tell your mom not to cook. I'm bringing KFC._

Sayu's mouth instantly watered. She hadn't had any junk food to eat in.. well, since she had told her mother about her pregnancy.

_Not fair. That sounds so good, but my mom would never let me have any._

_Why not?_

_She has me on a strict diet while breast feeding._

A slightly longer delay than normal and then-

_TMI._

Sayu chuckled at his response, the movements causing the twins to open their eyes and blink up at her. It felt good to laugh, though, especially with the mood swings she was going through as her hormones re-stabilized. She couldn't wait for this postpartum crap to be over with, and then maybe she would at least start to feel somewhat normal again instead of her eyes welling up with tears every time a commercial about homeless animals aired on the TV. Still, she smiled down at the babies as they continued with their gentle suckles at her breast, running her fingers through their hair a couple times, readjusting them on their pillows, and waiting for their little eyes to close again before returning to her phone.

She was about to respond when a stray thought hit her. It was practically a year ago to the day that she and Nate had last been together. She could hardly believe that a whole year had passed since the last time she had seen him and the thought felt like a needle in her heart. Unfortunately, she could remember in great detail the two wonderful, breath-taking days Nate had spent with her at her apartment, as she had been living on her own at the time. Not only had they missed each other, but it was Christmas, and as a result, they had hardly spent even a moment apart from one another. They had been simply insatiable, both making up for lost time and taking advantage of the time they had before he went away on another case. It was time she had cherished all the way up until she ended things between them over his deception about her brother and the Kira case.

The realization that this would have been when she conceived the twins was unavoidable. She had never given it much thought before, but now that the thought was there, it stood out apart from anything else in her mind. Any joy she had been feeling just moments ago dried up and left her with eyes burning from tears she refused to shed. A sharp sob ultimately did escape her, again startling the twins, the two physical reminders of the last time she and Nate had been together.

Would she ever be able to separate her thoughts of Nate from her children? Some days she was too busy to notice, but others it seemed like every little thing reminded her of him and it was almost crippling. She felt pathetic – here she was almost a year later after their break-up and she was still hung up on him. Sometimes, in the very early morning when she was just starting to wake up, she would think about calling him. Once she woke up fully, though, she would realize what a bad idea that was. She supposed she _could_ actually call him - if the number he had given her still worked - but what would she say? Merry Christmas, you're a father, sorry I didn't tell you sooner? No, it was past the point of calling him period, much less to tell him about the children.

She was pulled out of her mournful reverie by her phone buzzing with another text message.

_It's Christmas – I'm sure she will let you have it._

Sayu doubted it, but she replied nonetheless, _Maybe._

_Don't worry, I will work my magic on her if she resists._

_Well, for your sake I hope it works, because now I want the chicken and there is no going back._

_LOL. So, I'll see you later, then?_

_Yeah. See you._

Sure enough, when Matsuda showed up later that evening bearing not only a large helping of fried chicken but also a holiday cake, Sayu's mother pressed her lips together and protested.

"Aw, c'mon, Mrs. Yagami – it's Christmas. You know you want some," Matsuda said, putting on his best charm. Sayu was sure it wasn't a coincidence that he also had the lid partially off the container, thus allowing the smell of the fried chicken to permeate the immediate area.

"That may be, but-.." Sachiko started.

"And we can't just sit here and eat it in front of Sayu without letting her have some too. And look," he went on as Sachiko opened her mouth to argue further, "I brought cake." He set said cake down on the table with flourish. "Can't you let her indulge for just one night? She works so hard with the twins."

Sayu shrugged as both her mother and Matsuda glanced over at her as she sat on the floor next to the twins, who were busy trying to figure out how to roll over.

It took a bit more prodding from Matsuda for her mother to give in, but once she did, there was no looking back. The three of them did indeed indulge on the fried chicken and then descended on the cake, until Sayu felt so full she felt like a swollen tick. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so full. The feeling left her feeling warm, pleasant, and just a little bit more jovial than earlier. Her thoughts did keep trying to go back to Nate, but she forced herself to listen to the conversation of current events between the other two adults while she held Soichiro against her shoulder.

"Mrs. Yagami, can you take Chihiro for a moment?" Matsuda said as he stood and handed over said baby, "I forgot something in my car. I'll be back in a flash."

Sayu's mother accepted her granddaughter with a raised eyebrow, "Okay..."

Moments later, Sayu and her mother exchanged a concerned, befuddled look when they heard strange banging and grunting noises coming from beyond the front door. What on earth was he doing? Sayu was not sure she even wanted to know, but she was sure he was going to wake up the entire neighborhood, those who were already asleep, anyway. When Matsuda all but kicked in the door with a large, wrapped box in tow, Sayu said, "What in the _hell_ is that?"

"Sayu," her mother warned, indicating with her eyes to watch her mouth around the babies.

"Sorry. My question still stands."

"Open it and find out," Matsuda replied with that big, goofy grin of his.

Although she felt awkward, Sayu peeled off the wrapping of the box to reveal a large, cumbersome vacuum cleaner of some sort. After examining it, she quirked an eyebrow at it, "..Is this that vacuum they have been advertising on the home shopping network for the last two weeks?"

Matsuda blushed, "Well, yeah - they said it was really popular this year. It can pick up bowling balls!"

Sayu smirked, "Right, because I have a problem with spilling bowling balls all over my floor all the time."

"Well I was thinking, since you have little ones crawling around.. you need a really good vacuum cleaner, that's all. I mean, if it can pick up a bowling ball, imagine what else it can pick up."

Sayu smiled at his thoughtfulness, but then felt immediately bad, "Thank you, Matsuda, it's very thoughtful of you, but-.. I'm afraid I didn't get anything for you."

"Sayu, it's fine," he said, grinning, "I didn't get it for you expecting anything back." There was a moment of silence between them before Matsuda then said, "Are you sure you don't think it sucks?"

"I thought that was the purpose of a vacuum."

Matsuda blinked at her, not getting it at first, but when he did his puzzled expression melted away into laughter. Sayu found herself laughing along with him and it was an honest, good feeling. It was just what she needed.

* * *

**May 14, 2017**

"Sayu! Did you hear that? Soichiro just said 'Dada'!" Matsuda exclaimed from his spot on the floor next to said child.

"I did not," Sayu replied, distracted as she was with carefully constructing several stuffed green bell peppers and placing them in a heated pan on top of the stove. Her mother was working at the bakery again today, thus leaving her to prepare lunch, but as luck would have it, Matsuda had some free time and asked if he could stop by for a visit. Sayu had gratefully accepted, as having to wrangle two children with recently acquired mobility while trying to prepare lunch was no easy task. At least now Chihiro was sleeping after her recent feeding, but her son was too restless, too excited by his newfound ability to crawl to sleep for the time being.

"You didn't? Oh. Here, maybe he'll do it again," he said and turned back towards her son, "Hey, Soichiro, can you say 'Dada' again? Dada?"

"Daaaa-daaa," the little boy sang. Sayu stopped what she was doing and stared at the pair as they sat on the floor. "Dadadadada!" he repeated, his copper eyes gleaming in delight as he did so.

"See, he did it again!" Matsuda said, beaming, and then looked back to Soichiro, grabbing his hands and making him do a little wiggle jig, "Good job, kiddo!"

Sayu felt her heart sink. While Chihiro was still mostly quiet, Soichiro had been chattering away for a couple weeks now, but this was the first time he had mumbled that syllable in particular. She knew he was not saying it with any conscious connection to Matsuda as his father, but it pierced her all the same.

"He's not saying it because he thinks you're his dad," she groused, her back towards them once again, "He's just saying it because it's easy for babies to say."

There was a beat of silence before Matsuda responded, his voice subdued, "I never said he thinks I am his dad."

Sayu felt angered by the situation. It was so unfair - why should her son be saying that to Matsuda and why should he be encouraging him? He was not the father. Before she could stop herself, she said, "Matsuda, I appreciate you as my friend and I know how much you like the children, but.. I don't want them to grow up confused."

"What do you mean? What have I done to confuse them?"

"They really-... gravitate towards you," she said. Matsuda blinked at her, clearly not understanding what she was trying to say. "I don't want them to grow up thinking you are their father. It would confuse them."

"Why would they think that? I mean, it's not like we're married or anything," he said with a small laugh.

Sayu did not return his smile. "Of course not, but you are around them a lot."

"Oh," Matsuda muttered, unable to hide his wounded expression. "So.. what do you want me to do, then? Not spend as much time with them?"

"Well-..." Sayu sighed, feeling bad because she did not want to hurt his feelings. But more than that, she did not want her children to grow up with thinking of Matsuda as their father. "..Maybe not as much time."

Sayu held back a wince as she watched her friend's eyes darken. "Oh... Okay, then. Well.. I'll just, um.. go."

"No, I don't mean leave _now_ , I just mean.. I don't know what I mean."

There were a few moments of silence between them in which Soichiro continued his babbling and crawling around. She could hear the food sizzling and crackling behind her, but she could not break eye contact with Matsuda to check on it. Lunch was the last thing on her mind at the moment.

"Sayu, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to butt in or anything."

"I know."

More silence befell them, and the tension and discomfort between them only seemed to grow by the second.

Matsuda was the first to cave in. "Look," he mumbled as he grabbed his shoes and began putting them on, "I'll just go. You obviously have a lot on your mind, or something."

"Matsuda, no, wait. I didn't mean-.." Sayu said, hurrying over to scoop up her son and settling him against her shoulder.

"No, please, I just need to go."

Matsuda stood up, his shoes adorned, and their eyes met once again. Sayu could see the hurt swimming in his eyes and felt immediately guilty for everything she said. She felt even worse when his eyes flickered to Soichiro, who was still babbling "dadadadada" over her shoulder.

"Just-... call me when you get it sorted out," he said, whisking out the door so quickly Sayu had no time to respond or argue.

At the sound of the door closing, Chihiro began to stir. "Oh, damn it," Sayu muttered, hurrying over to check on her daughter. At the same time, she began to smell something burning and, after placing both children in the bassinet, hurried over to the stove and removed the skillet from the burner, cursing as she did so. Nothing was to be salvaged from the charred remains. She sighed as she scraped everything off into the trash. It was just as well. She hated green bell peppers anyway.

* * *

**June 1, 2017**

Sayu was just about to lay down for her afternoon nap with the twins when her phone went off. With a sigh, she checked the twins to make sure they were snug and secure on her bed before grabbing her phone. She was quite surprised to see that Aizawa was calling her. She immediately felt apprehensive and had to force herself to answer the call.

"What's going on?" she demanded after their shared greetings.

She heard a heavy sigh from the police chief. "It's about Matsuda."

"What happened? Is he okay?" she said, her mind automatically going to the worst of scenarios.

"I don't know. You tell me."

Caught off guard, it took her a moment to fully comprehend what had been said to her. "..What do you mean?" she asked, nonplussed.

"He has been acting very strange the last few weeks and I am almost certain it has something to do with you."

Sayu was silent, because she was also almost certain it had something to do with her – more specifically, what she had said to him a few weeks ago. Had she really upset him so much that it was affecting him at work?

"I take it you know what I am talking about," the police chief prompted.

Sayu sighed, "Maybe. I don't know."

"I don't want to pry or anything-.."

"So don't pry, then," she growled, becoming annoyed by being put on the spot like this.

"Just tell me if it's because you two broke up or whatever so I can just tell him to get over it and stop letting it affect his work."

" _Broke up?_ " she echoed in disbelief, flinching when she realized how her voice has subconsciously raised. Afraid that she had disturbed the twins, she took a quick glance and was relieved to see that they were both still sleeping, tiny arms outstretched and looking peaceful. She would much rather be curled up napping with them than having this stupid conversation. She then lowered her voice. "You think we _broke up_? We were never together!"

"I'm not so sure that's what Matsuda thinks."

Sayu gaped, flabbergasted by his response. "What do you-.. How could he-… We were never together!" she repeated, now completely confused.

"Look," he said with a heavy sigh of his own, "I'm not going to pretend to know what's going on between you and him – it's not really any of my business anyway."

"Oh really?" she huffed, now irked beyond all reason, "Then why did you call me?"

"I just needed to know if the reason he is acting strange had anything to do your relationship-.."

"-..There – is – no – _relationship!_ "

"Whatever you want to call it."

"Tell me again how this is not prying?"

Sayu interpreted the silence from the other end as meaning he _was_ indeed prying, and a moment later she was proven correct. "Okay, I'm prying," the man admitted. "What happened?"

"What does it matter to you?"

"It matters to me because not only is Matsuda a colleague and a – god help me – a friend, but whatever is going on is obviously affecting you as well."

Something about the police chief in that moment reminded her of her father, and before she knew what she was doing, Sayu was spilling out her guts to the man, "I told Matsuda that I didn't want him spending as much time with the children because I was afraid it would confuse them one day. I appreciate him as my friend and all, but sometimes I feel like he is butting in where he doesn't belong."

She paused to see if Aizawa was going to stop her, but he said, "I'm listening," and so she obliged.

"I don't-.. I mean, I know how much Matsuda adores the children, and they seem to adore him too, but I don't want him playing the role as dad in their lives. I don't want them to grow up confused about who their father is."

There was a moment of silence before Aizawa said, "Can I ask what you plan on telling them?"

"I honestly don't know… I don't want to lie to them, but what am I supposed to say?"

"Let me give you a piece of advice, if I may."

"Okay."

"Don't lie to them when they ask – because you have to face the reality that one day they most likely _will_ ask, regardless of whether or not Matsuda is involved."

"Right.."

"You might think they can't handle the truth, but children can be surprisingly clever, insightful, and understanding. Believe me - my own catch me off guard sometimes," he said, and under different circumstances, Sayu might have felt compelled to smile at the comment. But the thought quickly disappeared as he continued, "Now, regarding your issue with Matsuda - I doubt he is intentionally 'butting in', as you have put it."

"But he-.. Never mind. Go on."

"I have worked with Matsuda for over ten years now. He is a great man - he's honest and loyal almost to a fault. He's an even better cop because he isn't afraid to speak his mind, even when his opinions are sometimes downright outlandish. He's willing to stand up and fight for what's right, and as a detective he is great at connecting the dots on things that no on else would even think of looking at. But sometimes he can be very naive and can't see what is right in front of his face, or he takes it in the other direction and makes connections that truly are not there.

"You mean like how you assumed that he and I are together?" she interjected, raising her eyebrow.

A short pause and then, "Sayu, everyone thinks that you and him are together."

"What do you mean by 'everyone'?"

"Pretty much everyone in our department."

"Are you serious?" Sayu growled. "So, what does he go and brag about-.."

"It's nothing like that at all. He spends half the day talking about you and the kids. Especially the kids. He talks about them as if they were his own. That's how I knew something was going on – he hasn't boasted about them in several weeks. In fact, he has barely mentioned them at all."

Sayu had no idea what to say in response to that. She knew how much Matsuda adored the children, but she did not know that he was boasting about them at work. Now she felt a sting of guilt in her gut.

"I'm not trying to upset you by telling you this, Sayu," Aizawa went on, as if he had been able to read her mind. "If you don't want him being the 'father' in your children's lives, you're going to have to say that directly to him."

"I thought I pretty much did..."

"You're going to have be more blunt than whatever you said to him last time. No beating around the bush. Tell him exactly where you want him in their lives - and your life - or else he will be clueless."

"So, what do I say to the children about Matsuda? Like I said, I appreciate him as my friend and I don't want to hurt him. The children love him and I know he loves them, too, but I-..." Sayu broke off, feeling so terrible about the truth, she was not sure she could speak it. When Aizawa remained silent, the awkwardness of it forced her to continue, "I-I-... I don't.. love him. Not like that. I don't know…" She felt her face burning at the admission and pushed out a sigh, "I do care about him a lot, and I consider him my best friend, and sometimes I do think maybe things could have been different if Nate and I hadn't-… I don't know. I know part of me will always love Nate – I can't make that stop. But I don't think I am ready yet either – for a new relationship, I mean. I don't want to lead Matsuda on, and if I have, it wasn't done on purpose. I wish I knew how I screwed things up this badly."

There were several uncomfortable moments of silence between them in which Sayu could hear the chief's office chair creaking through the phone. She alleviated some of that discomfort by switching her phone to her other ear and gazing down at her two children as they slept, finding a small amount of peace in watching their little stomachs move up and down as they breathed.

"I don't think you have screwed things up, Sayu, and certainly not badly."

"Yeah, well, maybe not if you compared me to my brother…" she mumbled.

"Don't talk about yourself like that. Your mistakes and his, and how you have approached them, aren't even remotely similar. And for the record, I don't think your caution is unfounded nor do I think you are wrong for not wanting to confuse your children."

Sayu was quiet for a moment, going over everything in her mind, before she pushed out a breath of air and said, "Maybe.. I could have them call him Uncle Matsuda."

She heard Aizawa let out a short laugh too, "Now there's an idea."


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I do not personally know anyone who is from Japan, the cultural info presented in this fic are based on what I have read online. I know online sources are not always reputable, but I have done my best. That said, if there is anything off or inaccurate, then I sincerely apologize. It is not meant to be disrespectful at all.
> 
> Anyway - Onward! :3

**September 6, 2019**

"Mama! Mama! Wake up!"

"We want crepes!"

"Crepes!"

"Crepes!"

"Wha...?" Sayu moaned groggily amidst the chorus of demands for crepes. She rolled over and gazed blearily at her alarm clock, which showed that it was barely 7:30 in the morning. How in the hell was it that children could get up so early and have so much energy when Sayu herself could barely even put two words together? "Don't you think it's too early for crepes?" she managed to ask.

"No," said Chihiro, "Why would it be too early?"

"It's our birthday," Soichiro added.

"We want to eat as many crepes as possible."

"So we have to start eating them early!"

"Is Uncle Matsuda coming over today?"

"Yeah, we need crepes for him, too!"

"Well, you can only eat as many as we have, you know," Sayu interjected as she sat up, but their enthusiasm steamrolled right over her logic.

"So, we will just have to get more," declared her son.

"Grandma works at a bakery – she could bring us more," her daughter pointed out.

"Yeah!"

"Okay, all right, calm down there," Sayu sighed, desperately trying to blink the sleep out of her eyes, "Is Grandma at the bakery this morning?"

"She said she had to go for a little bit, but she would be back in a few hours," Chihiro explained.

"And then she said to go wake you up so we could have crepes," finished Soichiro, who was beaming at her in excitement.

"Ah," Sayu mumbled. Now everything made sense. Her mother must have decided to go in for a few hours this morning and then planned on being back to celebrate the twins' birthday. "All right," she agreed, "I will make us some crepes, then. Let's go."

And then the chorus of exclamations for crepes resumed. It continued all the way up until Sayu set the finished crepes down in front of her two children, at which point it only ceased because the kids then began to gorge themselves.

Sayu watched them in amusement from behind her own plate of food, which also included a single crepe at the kids' demands that she have one as well. It was moments like these that made her wonder what she would ever do without these little lights in her life. Strangely enough, with this as the new norm, she also could not quite remember what life had been like before them. Well, not that she couldn't remember, per se, just that it did not seem to matter as much anymore. True, there were still days where thoughts about the past would resurface and leave her feeling drained all day, but for the most part, the days were much easier to take with the twins around. Even when they did an exemplary job of annoying the crap out of her, she appreciated their presence, more than they could ever know.

"Thank you, Mama," said Chihiro once she finished.

"Thank you," her son echoed. Both of her young children looked ridiculously pleased with themselves and a bit dazed from their massive consumption of the crepes.

"That's all you're going to eat?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, smirking at them. "I thought you wanted _all_ the crepes."

"We may have overestimated," Chihiro answered. Her son's only response was a groggy nod and a small smile. Sayu smiled back at them and moved to collect their plates.

Later that afternoon, before Sachiko returned home from the bakery, Matsuda showed up bearing a pair of gifts for the children. Soichiro received a handheld gaming system of some sort. Sayu lost track of such things long ago when they started turning out new designs every year, it seemed – but her son knew exactly what it was, because his eyes lit up like the sun. In his excitement, he hugged his uncle around the legs with repeated squeals of "Thank you!"

Sayu gave him an affronted look, which caused Matsuda to say, "Don't worry, Sayu – the games I got him are all educational. They teach math, some science stuff, vocabulary, and one even starts kids on learning English."

It seemed he misunderstood her cause for concern, but since he mentioned it, she was glad that he had at least had the sense to get games that would help her son learn while playing.

While this was taking place, Matsuda was handing Chihiro a large, strangely-shaped wrapped gift, which she carefully received and began to open. She unveiled a delicate, wooden, stringed instrument, and both she and Sayu were left speechless at the sight of it

"Wow, what is _that_?" inquired Soichiro, leaning over to get a good look.

"It's a violin," Chihiro said, who could only stare at it in awe, as though she were afraid of touching it.

"It's a Stentor – the guy at the store said it was one of the best," Matsuda said, smiling at the entranced child.

For a moment, Chihiro could not get any words out. And then she opened her mouth and stammered, "Uncle Matsuda, h-how did you-..?"

"I _am_ a detective, you know," he grinned, trying to appear cool, though Sayu could tell that he was just as excited as she was. "Well, come on, try it out. Let's make sure it's the right size."

Chihiro was otherwise speechless as she gingerly ran her fingers down the strings before extracting the instrument from its case. It truly was something beautiful and extraordinary, a work of art in and of itself. Sayu did think it was fitting for her daughter to own such an exquisite thing – just as it was fitting for her son to now have games to go along with that playful, active imagination of his – but she was nonetheless troubled by the fact that Matsuda had gotten both of her children such expensive gifts, without notifying her in advance, no less.

While the children were busy becoming acquainted with their gifts, Sayu pulled Matsuda aside and said, "I thought we agreed we weren't going to confuse the children."

Matsuda's eyebrows knit together and he said, "What? How is this confusing them?"

"Don't be obtuse," Sayu sighed. "Buying them expensive gifts?"

"What does it matter how expensive they were? They're gifts."

"You spent too much…"

"Oh, c'mon, Sayu. Don't tell me you're going to make me take the stuff _back_. Look at how happy they are," he said, gesturing towards the children, "Can you really put a price tag on that?"

Sayu pressed her lips together and wanted nothing more than to smack Matsuda upside his head at that moment. "I know that they are happy with what you have gotten them – and Chihiro in particular has been wanting a violin for a good six months now – but it's just that-.. Well, what if _I_ wanted to be the one to get the violin for her?"

"Oh.. Well, I thought you were on a tight budget…"

"We are, but that's not the point. I could have found a way of setting aside some money for it."

"I'm sorry…" Matsuda muttered, now deflated. "I just thought that.. If you couldn't afford it-.. It would be nice for her to be able to start young, especially since she is so interested-.. I honestly wasn't trying to confuse them or overstep you."

"I know."

"You aren't really going to make me take the stuff back, are you?"

"No.. There's no point now. Just-.. I know you wanted to surprise them, but please consult with me next time."

"I will. I really am sorry."

"It's all right," she sighed, and then thought of something, "She will still need lessons, though. Any idea how much those cost?"

"No idea.. But if you need help-.."

"No, no. I'll talk to my mom and we'll figure it out."

The adults were interrupted by Soichiro running over with his new toy in hand and holding it up to Matsuda. "Uncle Matsuda, can you show me how to play?"

"Er.. Well, I've never played one before myself, but let's take a look at the instructions, okay?"

"Okay," her son agreed with a smile, and together the two of them went to sit down on the couch to figure out how the newest handheld contraption from Nintendo worked.

While the two boys were busy, Sayu approached Chihiro, who was busy with rosining the bow to her violin. She smiled as she watched how intensely focused her young daughter was with handling the instrument, looking it over, and prepping it. She couldn't stop the thought that her daughter looked a lot like her father in that moment. It was the same look he bore while building his card towers or articulating one of his deductions, or both at the same time, as she remembered him doing often. It was a look of confidence and skill, like she knew exactly what she was doing even though it was her first time handling this kind of instrument. It gave Sayu an odd sort of feeling, one she could not quite place or name. She wasn't sure if it was pride or nostalgia or something else, but the feeling left her feeling a little sad.

Genuinely curious, she asked, "Where did you learn to do all that?"

Chihiro paused in her actions and returned her smile, "I read about it on the internet."

Now, Sayu knew her daughter could read very well for her age, but she didn't know what to think of her daughter perusing the internet. When had she done that? She would need to password protect her laptop. The world was full of all kinds of crazy people, and as smart as her daughter was, Sayu also knew that she could be just as naive about the world as any other child her age.

Deciding it was something she would discuss with her daughter at a later time, she laughed and said, "Well, we'll get you some books and set you up with some classes; maybe even a private tutor. I'm sure they will be more useful to you than YouTube videos. That'll be my and Grandma's birthday gift to you."

Chihiro beamed, "Thanks, Mom."

When her mother later found out about the gifts, Sayu thought that her mother would be annoyed - about the violin in particular - but she was surprised instead when her mother expressed nothing but approval over it.

"But what about her lessons? And there are other things she needs – a tuner, a music stand, books… We will never be able to afford all that," Sayu said.

"You leave the worrying about money to me, dear. I can pick up more hours at the bakery, maybe even get a second job."

"Mom, no, you work hard enough as it is."

"Maybe, but getting the children a leg up on their education, and starting Chihiro early on music lessons, is more important."

"But it's-…" Sayu sighed, "Maybe it's time for me to go back to work. I could get a job in the evening after you get home from work and we can switch off. That way, you don't have to push yourself so hard."

"It's my job as the head of this house to take care of my family, Sayu."

"You sound like Dad."

"And you sound like me."

"Huh," Sayu scoffed, not sure what exactly her mother meant by that.

"The children need you at home. I am happy to work extra hours if it means providing a better life for my family," said Sachiko. Sayu remained quiet. "You know, if this is such a concern for you, you could always marry-.."

"No."

Sachiko gave a light smile and patted Sayu's shoulder, "Just a suggestion."

* * *

**January 1, 2020**

"You two need to bundle up tight today – it's cold and might snow some more this afternoon," Sayu heard her mother telling the children as she herself was busy pulling on her winter boots.

"Okay, Grandma," Soichiro complied. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to pay our respects to your grandfather and uncle," her mother replied.

"Are we taking the bus?" he asked.

"Yes, we are."

"Can we get ice cream?"

" _Ice cream?_ It's barely two degrees outside."

"That means it won't melt!"

Sayu kept quiet while the two of them chatted behind her. She wanted to smile at their conversation, but she found herself unable to. It was awkward being the only one in what was left of her family to know the truth about her brother. As painful as it was, she did not mind visiting the family plot to remember her father, but of course Light was buried there right along with him. And of course her children had never met either of them and didn't understand the losses, so this was just another exciting outing for them. This was, after all, their first time visiting the cemetery.

After Sayu helped the children bundle up, the family made their way to the bus station. The ride to the cemetery was filled with chatter between the twins about anything and everything they saw while peering out the windows. Sayu and her mother listened to them and answered their occasional questions, but other than that the two adults were quiet. That was okay with Sayu – she had nothing to say anyway and was glad that, at least for the time being, she was not being forced to listen to her mother talk about Light.

When they arrived at their destination, the four of them filed out of the bus, Sayu taking Chihiro's hand and her mother taking Soichiro's to prevent slipping as a layer of snow crunched underfoot. Others had apparently been out to visit the final resting places of their loved ones, as evidenced by the various footpaths winding among the stone monuments and the fresh flower arrangements checkered about. Between the fresh snow on the ground, the dim ambient light as the sun fought the thick overcast, and the rows of marked tombs, a strong sense of somber filled the air. It was even powerful enough to reach into the children, whose sudden silence starkly contrasted their earlier excited chatter.

Sayu helped her children brush the snow off the granite monument and clean it while her mother set up the water, flowers, and incense. She quietly followed suit when her mother showed the children how to bow their heads, pray, and show respect for their deceased relatives. And then she felt a sharp sting of sympathy when she saw her mother hunch over, her shoulders shaking with barely-controlled sobs. Of course she felt like crying, too, but she did not want her children to see her in such a state.

Her conviction not to appear too distressed was reinforced by the worried looks on her children's faces. "Grandma?" her son said timidly, squeezing Sachiko's hand to get her attention. "Please don't cry."

Chihiro said nothing, but took her other hand and looked up at her.

"I'm sorry, dears," she replied quietly amid her watery sniffles.

"It's okay, Grandma," Chihiro said.

"Kids," Sayu interjected in a subdued tone, "Let Grandma be."

"Sorry…" said the twins, one right after the other.

"No, there's no need to be sorry," her mother said, lifting her head and brushing away her tears. "I am very sad, but I should be in better control of myself around you kids." Sayu happened to agree with her, but she was surprised by the children's responses.

"It's okay to be sad," Chihiro said with a small smile.

"Just don't forget to be happy," Soichiro said with a smile of his own.

Her mother returned each of the children's smiles. "You're right," she sniffed as she pulled both of the children closer to her side, "Thank God for the two of you."

Sayu felt a smile tug at her lips at the exchange, despite the somber mood, and wondered what on earth she had ever done to be blessed with such beautiful, understanding children. Maybe she had stopped believing in God a long time ago, but she found herself thanking him as well anyway.

* * *

**January 10, 2023**

"Is Matsuda in? We were in the area running errands and we thought we would bring some lunch for him as a surprise," said Sayu to the man behind the desk.

"Um, yeah, I think he is. Just a sec and I'll buzz him."

It was at that moment that the elevator dinged and the police chief stepped out, tying a scarf around his neck as he did so. He looked up a second later, his eyes locking with Sayu's.

"Sayu, how are you?"

"Cold, but otherwise fine," she answered with a smile, her hands giving a squeeze to each of her children's hands. "I was just saying to this gentleman that we were in the area running some errands and thought we would surprise Uncle Matsuda with some lunch."

Aizawa's eyes flickered to the children, his eyes lingering on her son for a fraction of a second longer than her daughter. "I'm sure he will appreciate that – things have been crazy lately. I was just on my way out to grab something myself. Why don't you go on up? I'll get you access."

"Oh, no, I don't think that's a good idea," she declined, and even as she did so her children began to protest. "The children-.."

"Can't we go see Uncle Matsuda's office?" Soichiro said with that little whine that sometimes gave Sayu no choice but to give in.

Chihiro chimed in, "Please?" And there was his partner in crime.

Sayu strengthened her resolve and opened her mouth to tell them no, but Aizawa chuckled and said, "He doesn't have his own office, I'm afraid."

"He _doesn't_?!" Soichiro gawked. "How come?!"

Aizawa smirked. "Because only the police chief gets an office."

"Are _you_ the police chief?" Chihiro asked while gazing up at the man.

"Sure am."

"Can we see _your_ office, then?" she said.

"Kids, no, I really don't think that's appropriate," Sayu said, now exasperated.

"Do we have a couple of future detectives in our midst?" Aizawa said with a smile.

Both of the twins beamed and nodded vigorously, "Yeah!" And then Soichiro said, "We want to be like Uncle Matsuda!"

At that, Aizawa looked concerned and raised an eyebrow, "I think you can aim a little higher than that."

While the kids looked confused, Sayu pressed her lips together and shot him a warning look, which apparently held some weight with the man because he then said, "I just mean that you can be anything you want to be, including the police chief some day."

"We're fine with just being regular detectives," said Soichiro.

Aizawa was about to respond, but then a moment later, Matsuda was stepping out of the elevator and beaming upon seeing Sayu and the kids there. "Hey!"

"Uncle Matsuda!" both kids squealed, running over to Matsuda and hugging him around the legs.

"Boy, am I glad to see you guys."

As the three of them got to chattering among themselves, Sayu sighed and said to Aizawa, "That's why I don't think it's a good idea for them to go see your office. There would be nothing left of it by the time you got back."

"Point taken," he said with a humored grunt.

"I'll let you go. I don't mean to be taking up so much of your time."

"It's not a problem. It's good getting to see you, and getting to meet the kids at last."

"Yeah," Sayu smiled.

They were both silent for a moment, and Sayu could tell the police chief was hesitating with what he wanted to say. She took in a breath and waited, and then sure enough, "You know.. I can't get over how much the boy looks like-…"

"He looks a lot like his father, too, you know," she said, her tone sharper than she intended.

"He does, but at first glance-.."

"I know," she said, "Trust me – I see it every day."

"I'm sorry, Sayu. I didn't mean to offend you or anything. It wasn't meant to be an insult."

"No, I'm sorry, it's just-.. Out of all the possible genetic combinations-.."

"Right," he said with another grunt, without humor this time. "Well, kids are their own person."

"You can say that again," she said, hoping her light-hearted remark would ease the tension that had suddenly built between them.

It seemed to work, because the older man visibly relaxed as well, "He seems like a sweet kid. They both do."

"They are," Sayu said, smiling softly.

"Your father would have been proud of them. And of you."

At that, Sayu blushed and looked away, her eyes suddenly warm and stinging. She had no idea what to say in response, but she doubted he was looking for one anyway.

"Um, I hate to-.. But your kids-.." Aizawa suddenly stammered, gesturing behind her.

Sayu spun around to see the kids waving at her as the elevator doors began to close. "Wait, no! You kids aren't-...!" she shouted, running to the elevator just in time for it to close right in her face. "Shit."

"Never a dull moment, huh?"

Sayu sighed. "Never."

* * *

**April 1, 2023**

The morning of Chihiro and Soichiro's first day of elementary school was full of excitement for the whole family. While her mother was busy with making breakfast, Sayu was busy checking and double-checking over her kids' bags to make sure they had everything they needed for the day. The last thing she wanted was to be the mom who sent her kids to school unprepared.

Her children, in the meantime, were focused on getting themselves ready. Chihiro came downstairs, all dressed and ready to go, looking like quite the young lady and glowing with an ethereal pride.

Soichiro, on the other hand, came flying down the stairs in a panic. "Mom, I can't find my socks!" he wailed. "I had them laying out with my clothes last night and now they're gone and I looked _everywhere!_ "

"Did they fall behind the bed?" Sayu suggested, giving him a knowing little smile.

"I'll go look," he said, and hurried back upstairs. Moments later Sayu and her daughter shared a chuckle as they heard shouted from upstairs, "Found them!" before her son rejoined the rest of the family at the table for breakfast. Both of the children seemed almost too excited to eat, but they managed to get enough down to at least satisfy their elders.

"Soichiro, did you brush your hair like I asked?" said Sachiko as she collected their plates.

"I did, but it wouldn't straighten out!" he replied with a small frown.

"That hair of yours," Sachiko said with a click of her tongue.

Sayu smiled a little to herself, amused not only by the comments, but also because her son _did_ have messy hair, and it frustrated her mother to no end. His hair may be the same shade as his late uncle's, but Sayu alone knew who he _really_ took after in that regard. It made her feel a little sad, but more than that it was endearing to her. Somehow, she thought, it suited him.

When it was time to leave, Sayu and her mother both escorted the children to the school, took pictures out front, and then sat together through the entrance ceremony. When the time came for them to part ways, Sayu found herself having a harder time than she anticipated with leaving her children behind. Being away from them like this was a first for her and she was filled with emotion at seeing them each paired up with a child from senior class. But she didn't want to embarrass her children on their first day of school, so she settled for sending them on their way with a simple smile, "You two have a good day and tell me all about it when you get home."

The twins beamed back at her and were clearly antsy to be on their way, but nonetheless took their turns with saying goodbye to Sayu and their grandmother.

"I know this is going to sound really cliche," she said as she watched the older children lead her babies away, feeling her eyes sting with unshed tears, "But I can't believe they're starting school already."

"Don't worry, dear," said her mother, "It gets easier."

But it didn't seem to get any easier, at least not on the first day. Having the house to herself for the first time in seven years, Sayu did not know what to do with herself. After she finished all her chores and laid out dinner plans for when the twins returned home from school, she found herself sprawled out on the couch, eating junk food (something she was usually never able to do in peace around the children), and watching cheesy daytime sitcoms. Try as she might, though, she could not stop herself from wondering how the kids were doing, and so she was not able to really immerse herself into the shows like she used to anyway. She even tried texting Matsuda, but he was too busy to respond except for a few "lol's" and a text asking her to let him know how the kids' first day of school went.

Now bored, she found herself watching the clock, anticipating the return of her children, but nothing she did seemed to help speed up the time. Funny how she was always wishing that she had more free time, more time to herself, and now that she had it, she didn't really want it, much less know what to do with it.

When the twins finally returned home, Sayu immediately got off the couch to greet them and was taken aback by their subdued behavior. The children who returned home from their first day of school were not the same children she dropped off that morning. Both of them seemed almost despondent, their behavior strangely lackluster, and neither was regaling her with tales about their first day of school. Where was their excited rants about their new classmates and teacher, about their syllabus and activities?

Deciding to probe around and find out what happened, she smiled and asked them how their first day was. Soichiro shrugged and said, "It was okay," and Chihiro said, "It was fine."

"What about your teacher? And classmates? Did you make any new friends?"

"Not yet, Mom," Chihiro answered, offering her the smallest of smiles.

Sayu was not entirely convinced by her answer, and she did think their responses were unusual, given their excitement that morning, but Sayu figured that maybe they were just tired and overwhelmed from being around so many other children. After all, they had not been around other children very much - no daycare or anything of the like since Sayu had been with them every day since their birth. And because Sayu herself was a recluse, apparently so were her children.

Oh well. There was nothing wrong with that. It made sense to her that they would be shy around others, especially on their first day of school, so she decided to stop pressuring them for answers for the time being and instead served them their favorite stew for dinner. Only then did they begin to perk up a bit.

"Well, there is a lot of adjusting to do. Tomorrow will be better," she said, in response to which her children quietly nodded.

After dinner was over, she watched as the twins both went to their playroom (which was her brother's old room), and soon after she heard the sweet melody of the song her daughter had been practicing for the last few weeks. She decided it would be best to give them some time to themselves before her mother got home and really drilled them with questions. She of course wondered what their day had really been like, but knew they would tell her about it when they were ready.


	3. Part 3

**June 17, 2024**

Something was off about that afternoon, and it took Sayu a good fifteen minutes while sorting through the laundry to realize what it was. Where was her peaceful, late afternoon orchestral serenade? It was normal for her son to be in the other room playing one of his games around this time, but for Chihiro to not be practicing her violin was odd. Sometimes it was like pulling teeth to get her to stop playing long enough to even eat dinner, so the lack of music definitely piqued Sayu's curiosity.

Deciding to go and check on things, Sayu grabbed the basket of clean laundry and made her way up the stairs towards the children's playroom. Through the door down the hall, she could not hear anything that sounded even remotely like her daughter's violin, but she could see a light coming from the bathroom. Thinking that one of the kids had forgotten to turn the light back off after using the bathroom, Sayu went to take care of it herself and was taken off guard when she saw her daughter flinch and pull away from the mirror in a hurry. Was she imagining things or was her daughter trying on some of her make-up?

"Is everything all right?" Sayu asked.

Sayu watched as the girl pressed her lips together and appeared to be debating about what to say, her cheeks flushed in obvious embarrassment. It was at this time that she noticed that none of her make-up was there for Chihiro to be trying on. A strange feeling churned around in her stomach, leaving her feeling quite uncomfortable.

"Mom, can I get contacts?"

Now _that_ was not what she was expecting. Her brow furrowed. "Contacts? Why? Are you having trouble seeing?"

"No."

"Then what do you need contacts for?"

"It's nothing," her daughter trailed off, deflated.

"No, it's not nothing. Please tell me."

Chihiro again appeared to be torn between whether or not she should say whatever it was that was on her mind. When she finally did make up her mind, her response took Sayu by surprise, "What does 'hafu' mean?"

"What?"

"'Hafu'," her daughter repeated, "What does it mean?"

"Where did you hear that?" Sayu demanded.

"These girls at school. They keep making fun of me and calling me 'hafu'. They said I have 'hafu eyes'. What does that mean?"

At her daughter's explanation, Sayu felt her heart drop into her stomach. As much as she wanted to pretend that something like this would never happen, she of course knew it was always a possibility. How foolish she had been to think that it was a mere possibility rather than a likelihood – of course her daughter's gray eyes stood out. But she (and her mother) had worked so hard to ensure that the children would have the best upbringing possible under the circumstances.. It just felt like no matter what she did, her children were going to suffer for her mistakes. It made her feel like a failure and the guilt was almost too much to bear.

"It doesn't mean anything is wrong with your eyes," she stated, knowing that that would not be enough of an explanation for her ever-curious daughter.

And a moment later, she was proven right, because Chihiro put on the expression that Sayu recognized as the one that meant she would not drop the subject until she got a thorough answer, "If there isn't anything wrong with them, then how come the other kids say things about them?"

"Because a lot of people are mean when they are younger – they're ignorant and don't know any better, and because of that, they like to pick on anyone who is different."

"I know I'm different," Chihiro said, her eyes flickering to the side and then back to Sayu's, "I noticed all their eyes are brown. Even Soichiro's are brown. And so are yours, and Grandma's. Why aren't mine?"

And just like that, Sayu knew that the conversation she had been avoiding all this time was upon her. She shifted in discomfort, but at this point she knew she could no longer delay the inevitable.

Sayu sighed, "Where's your brother?"

"He's in the spare room playing his games," Chihiro answered.

"Let's go into the other room and talk."

"Why can't Soichiro know? I have heard the other kids calling him 'hafu', too."

"They _what_? God…" she said quietly, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath. Now, both of her children were sweet and kind, but her son in particular was so sensitive… No wonder he was spending more time with his games than socializing these days. She had thought it was just a normal phase that boys went through. Her heart broke even more at the realization of how wrong she was and the idea that he was apparently deciding to keep the bullying to himself. _Why_ hadn't he said anything to her? Why hadn't _either_ of them said anything? How long had this been going on? Sayu felt her grip on the laundry basket tighten and felt her jaw tighten as well at the knowledge that her children had been suffering all this in silence.

"Mom?"

Her daughter's prompt snapped her out of her mental train wreck and set her back on track, "Is he-… I promise I will have a talk with him about it later, but for now let's just keep this talk between you and I, okay?"

Chihiro's eyebrows came together. "Okay…" she agreed, albeit reluctantly.

Sayu led her daughter into their shared room, set down the basket of laundry, and then sat down on the edge of the bed, gesturing for her daughter to join her. When she sat down, Sayu took a breath and willed herself to remain calm.

"First of all, why didn't either of you tell me all this was happening?" she inquired.

Chihiro looked down at her feet as they dangled over the edge of the bed. "I didn't think we should say anything because I thought it would upset you."

"Of course I'm upset. How long has this been going on?"

"Since last year."

"God…" Sayu breathed, feeling the weight of it throb in her chest.

"Mom," Chihiro said, grabbing one of Sayu's hands. "It's not your fault – please don't blame yourself."

Sayu bit the inside of her bottom lip. Of course she blamed herself – it was her fault. Her daughter had no way of knowing that, although she was highly perceptive for her age.

"That's just it – it is kind of my fault."

"How is it your fault? You're not the one saying things to me and Soichiro."

"It's-.. not really something that should be discussed with children."

"I thought I was mature for my age," Chihiro said with a small smile.

Sayu did smile back at her. "You are, but you are still a child. Don't give me that look – I'm not patronizing you, it's the truth," she said when her daughter scrunched up her nose.

"Fine," Chihiro huffed, clearly offended.

"Look, I'll try to explain, okay?"

"Okay."

"How do I even start…?" Sayu sighed, feeling her daughter's expectant gaze upon her, "'Hafu'… is a term some people use to describe someone who has only one Japanese parent."

"Okay. Well, you are Japanese. That means our father isn't?"

"No, he was not. He was British," she answered, and felt awkward not only by bringing this up after so many years, but also the fact that this conversation was actually happening with her daughter. And the fact that she was referring to him the past tense made her feel like he had passed away, and he was alive and well for all she knew. She _hoped_ he was alive and well, but that was irrelevant right now.

Chihiro's brow furrowed in consternation. "But I thought Uncle Matsuda-.."

"No," Sayu said, "Matsuda is not your father."

"But I don't understand. He's around all the time and he buys us gifts. If he's not our father, then who is? And where is he?"

"Chihiro.. I don't think I should be having this conversation with you right now."

"But.. you were upset with me for keeping a secret from you."

"This is different."

"I don't see how it is," Chihiro huffed.

"It's different because it's-..." Sayu stopped herself when she realized how hypocritical her stance was. How could she rightfully keep something like this from her children when she had been upset with Nate over something similar, all those years ago? Regardless of the fact that she was the parent and Chihiro was the child, the last thing she wanted to do was repeat mistakes that were made in the past and disrupt the trust that had been built between her and her children.

She started over, "I don't want to keep anything from you any more than I want you to keep anything from me, but as your mother, the last thing I want to do is tell you something that might upset you."

"If it's the truth, then I would still rather know," said Chihiro, already looking like she was trying to steel herself against whatever she was going to be told. Sayu wanted to smile ever so slightly at what her daughter said, because to her it was confirmation that, even with all her screw-ups, she was still doing something right as the impromptu mother that she was. The truth was important to her, ergo it was important to her children, and that very fact made her feel immensely proud.

"All right. I'll try the best that I can."

Over the next twenty minutes or so, Sayu tried the best she could to explain to her daughter why her eyes were different - that she had inherited them from her father and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with them. A couple hours after that, Sayu tried her best to give the same explanation she had given her daughter to her son about the bullying at school - that he was a unique individual with two different kinds of parents and some kids were not as accepting as others. Sayu tried her best to remain steadfast with her decisions as she explained to her children the truth about their father and why he wasn't around - that he did not know about them and that he would never be a part of their lives. She tried her best to ignore the guilt she felt over her children's reactions to learning the truth, but the quiet acceptance from her daughter and the loud cries of protest from her son made it impossible. She tried her best to keep herself together in front of her children, but once alone in the privacy of her room, knowing she had broken her children, she felt herself breaking, too.

* * *

**July 14, 2025**

Nothing good was on TV – again. Because she was all caught up on chores for the time being and her children were not due home from school for at least the next hour or so, Sayu was bored. She thought that having the opportunity to watch something on the television would help alleviate her boredom, but instead it made things worse. Nothing was on except for the news (which was always churning out horrible, depressing stories), melodramas (which she had been entertained by once upon a time, but now did not care so much for), and infomercials (which really only advertised the same fifteen products at varying prices, depending on which time of the day she tuned in).

She really needed to go back to university or re-enter the workforce – or both - now that she was gaining more free time during the day. It would benefit not only her, but the whole family. It would certainly help with the bills and Chihiro's ongoing violin lessons, anyway. She made a mental note to bring it up with her mother and changed the channel.

"Next, we want to introduce a man who is known to his church as Lazarus. Some of you may have heard of him, but he has only recently started gaining notoriety with his leadership position at the relatively new Church of Kira, which he founded," said the host.

Sayu blanched and felt every cell in her body grind to a halt at the mention of Kira – a whole _church_ of Kira, no less. Sure, in the back of her mind she always knew these kinds of things probably existed, but to have it presented to her in such a casual manner was unsettling. What was even more unsettling was hearing these strangers refer to her own brother as their "lord". It was sickening. She wished could just call into the station and announce that their "lord" was actually a homicidal maniac who had been an honor student, but she knew that would not do any good even if she was able to do it.

She thought about changing the channel – and in some ways wished she had, when she looked back on it later – but she was transfixed by the appearance of an older man joining the group of much younger men at the circular table at which they all sat. The man appeared to be Caucasian and looked to be in at least his fifties, possibly older. He had wiry gray hair and piercing blue eyes – Sayu felt chilled by them even through the television screen.

Despite that, he actually looked like he could be a truly kind older gentleman. Even his conservative, yet visually stunning, robes exuded a strange warmth – though perhaps that was just the fact that they were crimson in color. Whichever the case, they were definitely eye-catching and set him apart from the rest of the men at the table.

The man, Lazarus, smiled at the host and bowed slightly to him before taking his seat. When he spoke, he sounded like he was talking with a bunch of gravel in his throat, as if he smoked a pack of cigarettes every day, "Thank you for having me, Mr. Ryuji. I am honored."

"So, as I understand, your church actually originated in the United States of America, is that right?" asked the host.

"That's right. For some time I longed to move my church to Japan – it is truly a spiritual, holy land, being where our Lord Kira began his cleansing, after all. I was finally able to do so about six months ago and since then our fellowship has only grown in numbers. Although our church has never asked for donations, we have received enough over the last year to continue to accommodate our growing fellowship," he said with a pleasant smile, his eyes never leaving the host.

Sayu could see that a couple of the other men - obviously members of what was once Kira's Kingdom (or who knew - maybe that godawful organization _was_ actually still around, despite its members having been knocked off by Kira) - appeared to be disgruntled by the older man's words, but otherwise said nothing as the host focused on said older man.

"Never asked for donations, huh? That's pretty amazing."

"Our church knows that riches alone will not gain you entry into Kira's _true_ kingdom," Sayu again noted the chagrined expressions on the other men and Lazarus went on, "In fact, he will turn away those who turn to pride and greed in lieu of seeking his wisdom and putting forth his laws."

"Right, heh," the host agreed with a small, nervous smile and an even smaller glance at the other men at the table, "But please, if you will, share with us your story of when you first heard about Kira and why you decided to open your own church to preach his word."

Lazarus closed his eyes, inclined his head, and said, "I first came to know of Kira when I heard the news that an old friend of mine had passed away from a heart attack. His name was Alexander Collins and he had been imprisoned for armed robbery and manslaughter, you see. He was serving a 14 year sentence for his crimes. When I first heard the news, I was devastated. We were childhood friends and grew up together in a poor neighborhood. His life had not been an easy one and it distressed me to learn that his heart attack was not a random happenstance, but that God had actually selected him to die, to pay for his sins. To my knowledge, he had never repented for what he had done. It saddens me to think that, had he asked for forgiveness, he might have been spared. But he was not one to regret his actions either, so he very well deserved his fate.

It made me think - if I could do something to save someone, just _one_ person, then I might be able to one day enter Kira's kingdom. To do that, I knew I had to teach his laws and spread them as far and wide as possible. I knew I had to become an apostle of Kira and preach his true word."

The host opened his mouth to comment, but it was at this time that one of the other men scoffed. Lazarus eyed the man. "Sir - have I said something with which you disagree?" he said in a pleasant tone, or at least as pleasant as he could with that horrible, raspy voice of his.

"Yeah - that you're a 'true' apostle of Kira," the man shot back.

The host's eyes widened and he gasped, "Mr. Richards, if you could please not speak out of turn-.."

"It's all right," said Lazarus with a gentle wave of his hand, "Let him speak his mind."

Without any further permission, Richards continued, "How dare you call yourself an apostle of our Lord Kira when you yourself are a criminal!"

There were several gasps from around the table, and bleats of outrage and confusion among the other guests, but throughout the chaos, Lazarus looked as serene as ever. His little smile never wavered, nor did what Sayu was sure was a devious glint in those icy eyes of his.

"That's right - I thought I recognized you from somewhere. I wasn't sure at first, but now I am certain. You're Gabriel Koenig and you went on trial for murdering your wife." More shocked and angry words flew between the guests as Richards went on, "Your trial was broadcasted all over the United States. It went on for weeks, but eventually you were acquitted of all charges on a few technicalities - all the evidence was 'circumstantial' they said, but everyone knew you did it. And yet you have the nerve to come onto this program, play down your own crimes, insult _our_ church, and then claim to be an apostle of Kira?! You're out of your mind! You would have been among the first to be cleansed by Kira had your name been there right along with your friend Alexander's like it should have been!"

At this point, Sayu was not even sure what she was watching anymore. It seemed more like a circus act. She knew she should probably just turn it off and go work on dinner or something, but she was too far into it to look away now.

"Mr. Lazarus," said the host, "Is any of this true? And if it is, then please explain how someone like you could come onto our esteemed show and claim to be a true follower of Kira."

"It is indeed true," Lazarus affirmed, blinking slowly at the other men even as they looked taken aback by his bluntness.

"Then Kira should strike you down immediately!" bellowed one of the men whose name Sayu did not know.

"I wouldn't be surprised if you dropped dead right now!" another shouted.

"Kira! If you are watching this program, then I implore you do away with this fraud! He is despic-..!" Mr. Richards declared in a fit of rage.

Sayu was sure the man would have continued belting out his declarations had Lazarus not then calmly stood up and began to remove his golden stole from around his neck. Each the men were mortified by his sudden actions.

The host stammered, "Mr. Lazarus, what are you-..?"

And then, he unbuttoned the collar that reached up to just under his chin (something Sayu had not noticed until that moment), and each of them cried out and fell back in disgust as he revealed a large, ugly, jagged scar that ran clear across his neck. It was almost like a horrible, eyeless grin. Sayu herself gasped at the horrific sight, bringing her hands up and covering her mouth, her eyes wide and simply unable to look away. The camera crew must have figured that this was a good time to zoom in to get a better look, because when they did, from the details that she could see, Sayu had no idea how the man had survived such a grievous wound.

"This is proof of my penance to Kira," he explained, again in a voice that was a lot calmer than the other men in the room, though it carried with it a strong sense of conviction, "It is true that I have sinned, and in doing so I was to be sentenced to eternal damnation by our Lord Kira. However, I begged Kira for his forgiveness after the death of my friend, and to show that I was ready to pay for my sins, I took a knife to my own throat. I bled for hours on the floor of my apartment, alone, until a neighbor found me and called an ambulance. My survival was said to be impossible, and to this day, not a single medical professional can explain how it is that I survived.

But I know the truth. I survived because Kira took mercy on me. He graciously decided to spare me so that I could spread his word, preach his laws, and show other deviants the way towards salvation - and that is, the only way you can make it into Kira's kingdom is not by building mega churches, but by inspiring others to follow his commandments."

It seemed he decided that everyone had gotten a good enough look at his scar, because he then began to button his collar back up.

"And just what are you implying?" snarled one of the other men, "That _we_ are the ones who are unworthy of Kira's grace? When _you're_ the murderer at the table?"

"Sin is sin is sin," replied Lazarus as he adorned his stole and took his seat, "I know, and you know, that each of you is also guilty of a crime."

"We are guilty of no such thing!" shouted Richards.

"Is avarice not a crime in the eyes of our Lord? And what of your churches, taking money from fundraisers to line your own pockets and making a living off the generosity of others?" Each of the other men at the table flushed at the accusation. Sayu could see their mouths working, trying to form a response, but nothing was coming out. "If you feel you are a true believer of our Lord Kira and truly worthy of representing Him, then-.."

And Sayu was shocked again as the man's hand disappeared within his robes and withdrew with a large knife, which he threw down onto the table haphazardly. Everyone on the television had a similar reaction - they all gasped and leapt back, some tipping over their chairs in the process, fearing an attack from the eerily calm older man.

"How in the HELL did you get that in here?!" squeaked the host from his retreat to the other side of the table, "Security!"

Lazarus ignored them, "-..you will stand before us all now, here on live TV, pronounce your sins, ask Kira for forgiveness.. and then kill yourself, as death is the fate of all criminals. Perhaps Kira will forgive you for using his name to gain favors for yourselves." When nobody made a move, Lazarus said, "And if I am wrong - if my actions are not the will of Kira - then may Kira strike me down now for all to see."

It was at this time that a troop of security guards made their way up to the stage and apprehended a now grinning Lazarus, who apparently was not going to be stricken down by Kira, or any other god, for that matter. Nobody else on stage moved. As they pulled him away, he said, "Thank you for having me. Good day."

When Sayu turned off the television, she sat back, thoroughly disturbed by what she had just seen. Were all of these men really fighting over who was the "holiest" in their "lord's" eyes? Just what was going on with the world? These people were all completely crazy. It was truly abhorrent for her to realize that these men (and likely many others around the world) were willing to fight each other and even kill themselves over their God, who was nothing more than a pile of ash now, buried within a vault alongside his father. Did they really think that this pile of ash had any control over their lives? But of course they wouldn't know that that was all that was left of their "lord". None of them knew anything about who he really was.

Her brother had always talked about doing something to change the world, but Sayu always thought he meant something like ending world hunger or saving the environment, maybe even becoming an astrophysicist and helping mankind colonize other planets. She never envisioned him trying to play God by becoming a mass murderer. She wondered if his goal had been to achieve a god status, or if he really had only meant to make the world a better place. She supposed she would never know, but she did remember something her father used to say to both her and her brother – that the road to hell was paved with good intentions.

* * *

**December 24, 2025**

Christmas Eve visited the Yagami family, plus Matsuda, with freezing rain that pattered on the windows as they huddled around the tree and exchanged presents. From Matsuda, Chihiro received some more effects for her violin; Soichiro received new games; Sachiko received a new pair of ultra-comfy shoes to help her with all the standing she did while at work; and Sayu received a new mobile phone, seeing as she had had the same one for at least five years and it was near the point of failing. Of course, she tried to reject the gift at first, but Matsuda insisted that she keep it, citing the need to have a fully-functioning phone in case of an emergency as the most important reason. Seeing no way to refute his reasoning, Sayu reluctantly gave in and agreed to keep it.

Sayu's gifts to her family and her friend were much more down to earth. Each of them received a handmade scarf - green for her mother, purple for Chihiro, orange for Soichiro, and yellow for Matsuda.

"Wow, it's great, Sayu! I didn't know you could knit," Matsuda said as he tried it on.

"It's crocheted," she corrected with a small smile.

"Oh, well, excuse _me_ ," he smirked back at her. "I didn't know you could _crochet._ "

"I didn't know I could either until I gave it a try. And I've had a lot of free time to learn, so..." she explained, giving a quick look at her mother as she remembered their conversation about Sayu wanting to go back to work and how her mother had again insisted that she stay home with the kids.

"How did you know that yellow is my favorite color?"

"I didn't - it just seems to match your personality."

"They're lovely, dear," Sachiko chipped in, in response to which both of the children nodded and added their thanks. She then grimaced and placed a hand against her abdomen, "Now, I'm afraid I need to be off to bed early tonight. Sayu, would you mind taking care of the dishes?"

"No problem, Mom. Are you okay?"

"Just some indigestion and bloating. And I'm really tired."

"You've been tired a lot lately," she replied, giving her mother a pointed look, which was promptly ignored.

"I will be fine."

"Sorry, Mrs. Yagami - maybe it's the fried chicken I keep bringing," Matsuda chimed in with an apologetic smile, "Maybe I should have brought some bismuth as a gift for you instead."

The older woman returned his smile, "The shoes were fine, Matsuda. I look forward to wearing them at work tomorrow. Thank you again."

"Sure thing," he said. "Well, I hope you feel better."

"Good night," her mother said. Each of the twins said good night in return and then moved to help their mother with the dishes once Sachiko disappeared up the stairs.

"Matsuda, why don't you see if there's anything good on the TV tonight? We'll have this done in no time," Sayu called from her place at the sink as she handed a dish to Soichiro, who dunked it in the warm water before passing it off to Chihiro for her to dry and place on the rack.

"All right," said Matsuda. Sayu could hear the television flick on and various voices as he flipped through the channels in search of something for them all to watch.

The channel surfing came to a sudden halt. "Boy, this guy sure is a nutcase. He's even worse than Demegawa," Matsuda said.

"Who?" Sayu called absently over her shoulder.

"This Lazarus guy."

Sayu paused in the middle of scrubbing off some of the cutlery and turned around to see the man on the television going on about how Kira's word should be made the law of the entire world. She felt something twist in her gut when she remembered his antics on Sakura TV a few months back.

"I bet if there is anyone orchestrating all these copycat killings, it's him," Matsuda went on, unaware of her discomfort.

"Maybe," Sayu said quietly, and then cleared her throat, "He certainly isn't speaking out against them, is he?"

"Are you kidding? This guy keeps talking about how all the 'scum' of the earth needs to be cleansed and then people go out and actually do it? Why would he speak out against it? I mean, look at him – he's eating it up. He tries to act all humble, but he's got a god complex for sure."

The family finished with the dishes and joined Matsuda in the living room, watching the depraved man on the television go on about how one day Kira would return and all the evildoers would have to face his wrath. Sayu was both concerned and disgusted by the man – a crazed lunatic ranting and raving about "laws" that her own brother had supposedly put in place for people to follow, and - as Matsuda had put it - people were indeed eating it up. It was despicable, it was absurd, and it made her feel sick.

"But, Uncle Matsuda – why won't L fight him?" Soichiro spoke, startling both adults with his question.

Sayu exchanged a look with Matsuda, her eyebrows coming together as she did not know what to say. She rather hoped Matsuda would. Thankfully, he offered her son a tight smile and said, "Where did you hear about L?"

"Kids at school talk about him, and some of the teachers do, too," he answered.

Chihiro chipped in, "And I saw someone talk about him on the TV the other day. They say L has disappeared. He fought Kira a long time ago, right?"

A long time ago... Funny how events that had happened in her life were considered "a long time ago". It didn't feel like it was a long time ago, but her brother's actions had created history and she had been there to observe it firsthand.

"Right…" Matsuda confirmed, and it was apparent to Sayu that he was also wondering where the kids were going with their questions.

"So where is he? Why won't he fight?" Chihiro asked, gaining a nod of agreement from her brother.

"Chihiro-.." Sayu started, but then Matsuda spoke up.

"L knows that these guys are nothing but a bunch of frauds. He would only fight the real thing," he said.

"So, I was right, then," Chihiro said, a small grin lighting up her expression, and in that moment Sayu thought her daughter had never before looked so much like her father.

"Right about what?" Sayu asked.

"Kira isn't an actual god – or wasn't. The other kids at school keep saying how he's a god and he's going to come back and punish everyone for not following his laws, just like what this Lazarus man keeps saying. I told them they were wrong. I told them L defeated Kira. He defeated Kira because Kira wasn't an actual god. I told them that if Kira was a god, he wouldn't have disappeared without a reason, and that reason is because Kira was a person and he's dead. None of them would believe me."

Sayu felt her heart seize up at her daughter's deductions, remembering all over again how she had found out about her brother being Kira. It was just as painful now as it had been nine years ago. While she was struggling to keep herself in check, Matsuda sent a worried look her way before turning to the kids and saying, "Okay, that's enough of this. Who needs to listen to this garbage anyway, right?" He fumbled for the remote and switched the channel to the home shopping network. "Hey, look at that, they're selling another top notch juicer. Ooh, this one has 36 different speeds!"

Chihiro looked affronted and pressed her lips together in annoyance, "That's exactly the same as the last one they sold but more expensive."

Apparently changing the channel and the subject would not dissuade the children's curiosity, because Soichiro said, "Uncle Matsuda, if L won't fight, why can't _you_ go arrest that man?"

"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, kiddo," Matsuda smiled at the boy.

"But his words hurt people."

"We have not come across any evidence connecting him to any of the crimes. We can't arrest someone just for speaking their opinion, even if it is mean," Matsuda explained, in response to which Soichiro looked crestfallen. "Believe me, if we had even a shred of evidence, we would have him locked up in a heartbeat."

A few hours later, after many complaints from the children about wanting to stay up later, Sayu successfully ushered the children off to bed. Matsuda gathered his things, ready to go home for the evening, but she noticed that he seemed to be hesitating a bit and wondered if it was because of the bad weather. Sayu stopped him and said, "Why don't you stay the night? The roads are probably really slick and dangerous to drive on."

Matsuda blinked at her, opening his mouth in astonishment, closing it, and then opening it again, "Stay the night? W-What do you mean…?"

Sayu could not stop the blush that burned on her face once she realized the implication. "I mean.. on the couch."

"Oh," he mumbled, and the hopeful look on his face diminished. "Well, I really shouldn't. I have work in the morning."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Well, can you at least text me when you get home, let me know you got there all right?"

Matsuda smiled, "I can do that." He stuck his hands in his pockets and just looked at her in silence for a few moments. He then said, "Sayu-…"

"Hm?" she replied, looking back at him.

"Erm…" His hands continued to fumble around in his pockets as he looked down at his shoes instead of at her. "I, um.. I really like it-.. when you bring me bentos for lunch. Would you, um-… Would it be okay with you if you brought me one every day?"

All in all, Sayu thought his question and behavior was very strange, but she figured it must be because he didn't like asking favors of others. She knew how busy he was at work, especially with the ever-increasing rise in these so-called "copycat" killings, and it wasn't like she was terribly busy over the course of the day herself, so it would not be too much of an inconvenience for her to bring him lunch every day. It was the least she could do for his being such a good friend to her.

"Well, I can't guarantee that I'll be able to _every_ day, but if you like them that much, I guess I'll have to try," she said, offering him a friendly smile, which he seemed reluctant to return.

"Great," he said with a faint smile of his own, although he managed to look disappointed at the same time, "Well, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Matsuda. Drive safe."

"I will. See you later."

* * *

**January 21, 2026**

"Hey, Mom. You're home early," said Sayu as she put down the book she had been reading. "Everything okay?"

When she looked up to see her mother, she could right away that everything was not okay. Her mother's eyes were red and she looked more tired than ever. Sayu was instantly alarmed by her appearance. She immediately got up and went to get some tea started for her mother, looking at her as she said, "Mom, what happened?"

"Sayu..." her mother began, her voice strained and hoarse. "Leave the tea, dear. I need you to come sit with me for a minute. I have something to tell you."

Cold worry sent chills throughout her body, but she did as she was told, leaving the tea and coming over to sit next to her mother on the sofa.

Her mother was silent for several long, agonizing moments before she found her voice, "I went to see the doctor for a check-up the other day and to ask about my frequent indigestion. Remember I told you they were going to run some tests?"

"Right..." Sayu acknowledged, feeling light-headed, as though she were floating somewhere above her own body. What was going on with her mother? She knew she had been feeling more tired than usual and not eating much lately, but Sayu thought it was because she was pushing herself too hard at work. It was one of the major reasons she continued to fight her mother about returning to work, despite her mother's stubborn refusal to let Sayu help. She had finally forced her mother to see a doctor, hoping at least even the doctor would say that she needed to take it easy, and now that the answer was upon her, Sayu wasn't sure she wanted to hear it. She felt her breath quickening and her chest tightening against her will.

"The results came in today," Sachiko said quietly, taking her daughter's hands, and Sayu could feel her mother shaking, "I have cancer."


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is a character death in this chapter. I don't think I really have much else to say, so - here is the next chapter! :)

**May 9, 2026**

"Mom?" came a small voice from the doorway. "Can we stay up with you and Grandma?"

Sayu tore her sore eyes away from the withering form of her mother as she lay on her bed and gazed wearily at the form of her son, silhouetted in the doorway. She could see her daughter standing just behind him, also peering in. She had done everything she could to keep the children from witnessing the worst of their grandmother's condition over the last couple months, but with a diagnosis as severe as pancreatic adenocarcinoma that had metastasized, it was unavoidable. The whole family had not only been completely blind-sided by the diagnosis itself, but also by the frighteningly rapid decline of Sachiko's health. A little over three months after the initial diagnosis and Sachiko was merely a shell of her former self, now completely bedridden and little more than a gaunt form.

With a sigh, Sayu said, "I don't think that's a good idea. Grandma needs her rest. And you two have school in the morning."

"We promise we will be quiet," Soichiro said pleadingly.

"We just want to sit with Grandma," Chihiro added.

A mumbling noise from her left gained Sayu's attention. It was at that time that she realized that her mother was awake, her eyes heavily lidded to the point where it looked like it was taking all of her strength just to keep them open. Her mother was trying to speak.

Sayu was out of her seat and by her mother's side in a matter of seconds. "What do you need?"

"I said," her mother whispered, "Please let them in."

Sayu was reluctant to allow it, but in the end, she nodded and gestured for the children to come in. "Just-.. no jumping on the bed or being noisy."

"Okay," the twins agreed, and entered the room.

They sat on the bed next to their grandmother and looked at her in both sorrow and fear. This was exactly why Sayu did not want them to see her mother like this. This was their first experience with anything of the sort, and she knew that this was something that would haunt their dreams for the rest of their lives. They were just too young to have to go through something like this. It wasn't fair for them to have to watch as someone they loved quickly deteriorated, someone who had been with them every day since their birth, who had been one of the first people to hold them upon entering the world, who had loved and doted on them as much as Sayu herself had. She could see the terrified looks in their eyes and knew there was nothing she could do to help it. There was no amount of anything anyone could do to stop the cancer from eating her mother alive, and no amount of anything that could erase from the children's memories what they were witnessing.

But still - even though she wanted to shelter her children from the grim reality that everything dies, including loved ones, how could she deny her dying mother the desire to spend what little time she had left with her grandchildren? And how could she deny her children the same thing?

And all this was nothing to say of how Sayu herself was feeling - numb and completely lost. So very, very numb and lost, to the point where Sayu also felt like a shell of her former self. What was she going to do without her mother, who had been her rock and guide during the most difficult times of her life? It just wasn't fair. She just knew it was going to hit her harder than anything had ever before - harder than the death of her father, harder than the death of her brother, harder than learning her brother had been Kira... It was already hitting her hard with her around the clock care for her mother, who could not even get up to use the toilet any longer and needed Sayu to clean up after her, and her inability to sleep for fear that she would wake up and find her mother had passed away during the night. She was hit hard by trying to explain to her children what was happening to their grandmother and to not be able to answer them when they asked _why_ it was happening.

"Grandma, are you thirsty?" Soichiro asked, pulling Sayu out of her thoughts momentarily, "Can we get you some water? Or ice? Or-.. or ice cream?"

"I would rather leave the ice cream for you, dear," the ill woman replied, sending a small smile his way.

"But I don't want it. I want _you_ to have it."

Sayu wanted to interject that her mother did not need ice cream right now, but Sachiko said, "I will have a little bit, then."

The little boy perked up immediately and stood, his copper eyes full of purpose, "I'll go get it. I'll be right back."

As he hurried out of the room to retrieve the ice cream, Sachiko turned to her granddaughter, who was sitting there in silence. She was watching Sachiko breathe, something Sayu herself did when she didn't think her mother was looking because she was afraid that at any minute, her chest would stop moving and that would be it.

"Chihiro."

"Yes, Grandma?" Chihiro said, her eyes darting to meet her grandmother's.

"Why don't you play us a nice song?"

"Mom, no, you need to rest-.." Sayu butted in.

"I am resting," was her mother's soft retort. "Please."

Chihiro looked back and forth between her mother and grandmother as if she was not sure who she should obey, and Sayu was again forced to give in. "Go ahead," she said with a sigh.

As Chihiro was leaving the room, Soichiro was returning with a cup full of ice chips and a bowl full of ice cream. It was definitely more than a "little bit", but Sayu said nothing.

"Here, Grandma. I brought you ice cream, and some ice too," he said as he approached her. He spooned out some ice cream from the bowl and offered it to his grandmother, holding it up to her lips for her to take. She opened her lips to receive said ice cream and Sayu felt her heart swell with an overwhelming sadness, so much so that she felt her eyes grow warm.

Sayu took in a breath and refused to allow herself to cry, especially in front of her family, who needed her to be strong right now. Strong was the last thing she felt, though. Sayu thought she could not possibly feel more beaten down after everything she had experienced in her life, but here she was, feeling more beaten down than ever. She felt totally defeated. She had no idea how she was going to survive emotionally once this was all over, much less how she was going to help her family survive.

Chihiro arrived moments later with her violin case in hand and set it down on the edge of the bed. "What would you like to hear, Grandma?" she asked as she began to set up.

"Anything. Something nice."

The girl appeared to think on it for a moment, and then nodded and began to play. Sayu herself was not entirely familiar with her daughter's library of sheet music, but what she did play was beautiful. There were some some somber-sounding moments, but most of them seemed uplifting. Sayu felt choked up not only by the various melodies, but also the fact that her mother had started weeping soundlessly, even as she accepted one spoonful of ice cream after another from her grandson. Sayu watched her daughter's eyes close as she played and thought she looked like she was trying not to cry. Her son, on the other hand, seemed to have lost the battle and was sniffling and wiping his eyes frequently on his sleeves, although to his credit, he was trying his best to not let it stop him from helping his grandmother.

Chihiro played long into the night, much later than Sayu would have allowed under normal circumstances. She played long after Soichiro passed out on the bed, curled up next to his grandmother (who had an arm around his shoulders) and a partially-eaten bowl of what was now ice cream soup. She played until Sayu could tell that she was exhausted and her fingers were sore. She played and played until finally, her body began to work against her, her head nodding and eyes falling closed involuntarily, causing her playing to become choppy and broken. Once she could no longer play, she lay down on the other side of Sachiko and was asleep within moments.

Sayu placed a blanket over both of her children, put away her daughter's violin, and placed the bowl of melted ice cream in the sink before returning to the room to go to sleep herself. She felt exhausted in so many ways and laying down to sleep on the bed with her little family sounded pleasant, even though her mind kept trying to force her to stay awake all night to watch over them. In the end, she gave in and fell asleep at the foot of the bed, curled partially behind her daughter, and dreamed that the doctors were calling her to tell her they had made a mistake about her mother's condition and that everything was going to be all right.

But nothing was all right. Nothing would ever been all right ever again, because when they all awoke in the morning to the sound of the alarm on Sayu's phone, Sachiko was gone.

* * *

**June 4, 2026**

With her mother gone, all the finances were thrown haphazardly into Sayu's lap, and she knew financial responsibility had never been her strong suit. After all, once upon a time, she had always asked her brother for help when it came to mathematics (and just about everything else, but that was beside the point). There had been little time for either herself or her mother to prepare for the future after Sachiko's death, and so Sayu was left in a tailspin after the fact. They had already eaten through much of the money that had been left to them by Sayu's father, and so Sayu felt more obligated than ever to save whatever she could to care for her children. Things were tight and a bit uncomfortable in that regard, but not unbearable, and she'd be damned if she asked anyone for help.

What was unbearable, however, was dealing with the emotional fallout of her mother's death. The children were despondent and could barely get themselves ready for school in the morning. Nothing seemed to make them happy - not even their favorite hobbies. Of course, Sayu felt the same way, but she tried her best to summon whatever strength she could to see them all through this.

After spending a couple weeks in desolation, sleeping all day while her children were at school and having little motivation to do anything else, Sayu finally decided to see if she could take over her mother's old position at the bakery. Thankfully, Sayu had picked up some baking skills over the years as a stay-at-home mom, and that added to the fact that her mother had been good friends with the shop owner allowed her to be hired on without much trouble. It didn't pay much, but it would do until Sayu could find something more substantial, which was easier said than done considering she had never gone back to school after giving birth, as she had intended. It was just one more obstacle Sayu could have done without.

Before she knew it, a month had passed since the death of her mother. There was a huge hole in her life that she was having trouble reconciling, but she was thankful, at least, that she had her children. She did not know what she would do without them, especially now. She thought that if there was any chance that there was a god and that he did indeed have a grand design for everyone, then the failure of her birth control that had led to her conception of the twins was one of his better designs. She knew then that were it not for her children, she probably would have withered away long ago, forgotten by a world that had no time or understanding for those suffering from depression. To her, her children were the only two beautiful things left in a world full of things that were ugly and not worth celebrating.

Things fell into an odd sort of rhythm after that. Sayu picked up whatever hours she could at the bakery, sometimes coming home after her children had already been home from school for several hours. She did not feel comfortable leaving them at home by themselves like that, but she had no choice but to deal with it. To her children's credit, they at least seemed to accept this as the new norm and did their best to help out in any way they could, including having dinner ready by the time Sayu got home.

With this new rhythm established, Sayu thought that maybe things would start looking up soon. They would have to after such a streak of bad luck, right? Except one evening, Sayu returned home from work late to find that no dinner had been made. She could not see any evidence of cooking or leftovers, which struck her as immensely odd. Did the children forget to make dinner? Forgoing dinner for the time being, she located the twins in their playroom and was absolutely floored by what she saw.

"Chihiro! What on earth happened to your face?!" she shrieked upon seeing a large bruise and on her daughter's face.

"It's nothing, Mom," she muttered, going back to playing her violin.

But her response went unnoticed when Sayu saw that her son was in a similar state, his eyes red from crying, but he was trying to pretend he was okay, all the same.

"We talked about this before, Chihiro, remember? No keeping secrets," Sayu said, going over first to check on her son, who appeared to be in a worse emotional state. "Who did this to you? What happened?"

"It doesn't matter," Chihiro answered. Again, she went to go back to what she was doing, but a hard glare from her mother gave her pause.

"Of course it matters," Sayu retorted as she looked over her son's injuries. Thankfully, they looked worse than they really were, but that did not stop her heart from racing with anxiety. "Please, tell me what happened."

Chihiro sighed and lowered her violin, "It was these boys at school."

Sayu stared at her, aghast. " _Boys?_ Boys did this to the two of you? Explain."

"They were calling us names and saying things about Grandma-.."

" _What?_ " Sayu gasped, feeling sick from everything. She heard Soichiro let out a sharp sob beside her and put an arm around him. It did little to comfort the boy who was now trembling. "What about Grandma?"

Chihiro seemed reluctant to say anything at first, but gave in and mumbled, "They said she is better off dead than living with two hafu bastards like us."

Sayu a deep anger boil to life in her gut. Who the hell did these schoolchildren think they were to say such things to her children, who were already hurting so much? For a moment, nobody said anything, and then Sayu prompted, "And then what?"

Again, the dark-haired girl hesitated. Sayu could see that her jaw was working and there was fire in her eyes along with a deep pain that Sayu wished she could just soak up like a sponge.

"Chihiro?"

Her daughter took a breath and said, "I told their boss, Rintaro Morimoto, that maybe we don't have a father.. but at least ours isn't around to get drunk and beat us every night." Sayu felt her jaw unhinge at her daughter's matter-of-fact explanation, but the girl didn't appear nearly as affected. "And then they attacked us."

"That is a _terrible_ thing to say to someone," Sayu reprimanded in spite of her anger. Although, in all honesty, she really could not blame her daughter for lashing out at her attackers, she was still quite shocked to hear her daughter say something so cruel. Chihiro could be blunt and a bit of a know-it-all at times, but Sayu had never known her to be mean. She had raised her children to be above such behavior. "What made you say something like that?"

"It's the truth," countered Chihiro, who had tucked her violin back under her chin and looked like she was itching to resume playing. At the very least, she was clutching both the instrument and the bow tightly.

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

"How on earth could you possibly know something like that?"

"Why should I bother explaining? You don't believe me anyway."

"I'm not saying I don't believe you. Whether or not I believe you is irrelevant. What I am saying is, true or not-.. Why would you provoke them like that?"

"I didn't provoke them! They started it!"

"Well, two wrongs don't make a right. This accomplishes nothing."

"What was I supposed to do then?"

"Just walk away, like you have been doing.. until now, apparently."

"They were saying things about Grandma!"

"They don't know anything about Grandma any more than you know anything about them. They were just trying to get a reaction out of you, and you allowed them to."

For a moment, Chihiro clamped her jaw shut and fell back into silence. She was either thinking about what Sayu had just said or she was about to explode – Sayu couldn't tell which.

"Why are you defending _them_?"

"I'm not defending them – I'm just trying get you to understand that purposefully saying hurtful things and fighting is never okay."

Suddenly, Chihiro was shouting, her gray eyes bright and fierce, "I wasn't fighting anybody! I was _defending_ us! Soichiro and I didn't even start it! Those jerks did! We never did anything to them! Why should we have to stand by and TAKE IT?!" As she yelled the last two words, she drew her bow roughly across the strings of her violin, creating a terrible, harsh, grating sound and causing Sayu to cringe.

"Don't treat your violin that way!" Sayu snapped back. "We don't have the money to replace it!"

Chihiro growled, "It's not going to break it!" as she dragged the bow over the strings again.

"Do it again and I'm taking it away from you!" Sayu threatened.

That, at least, seemed to get her daughter to calm down, at least enough to stop abusing the poor, delicate instrument. It was at this time that Sayu became aware that her son was missing from the room.

"Soichiro?" she called as she looked around.

"He left the room a couple minutes ago," Chihiro pointed out.

"Damn it," Sayu said, more to herself than anything else. How had she missed that? Embarrassed that she had allowed herself to get so worked up, she lowered her head, shook it, and then closed her eyes, "Chihiro.. I am sorry that you and your brother are being bullied in school. I'm sorry for what those kids said to you. And I'm sorry that they decided to turn to violence today."

"Well, I'm glad that your being _sorry_ fixes everything," scoffed Chihiro.

"Don't talk to me like that. I can't fix everything - I'm sorry that I can't. I'm doing the best that I can," Sayu paused and took another breath, "I know you are hurting because Grandma is gone. I'm hurting, too." She felt her eyes suddenly become damp against her will. "Believe me, I am-… so hurt and angry over losing her. It hurts so much, I-.. I just want to scream and punch a hole through the wall. I want to yell at these stupid customers who come in complaining that their pastry isn't warm enough or their cake got fewer strawberries than someone else's. I want to blame the doctors for not being able to cure her. I want to shut myself up in my room and have the whole world go away. I want to just go to sleep and never wake up again. "

Through her own tear-blurred vision, Sayu could see her daughter's shoulders were shaking and that she was also fighting back her own tears. It wasn't long, though, before she heard a few gasps from the girl as she began to cry in earnest.

Sayu went on, "I want to do all these things, tell everyone how pissed off I am, but I can't. We can't do that, Chihiro. That's not how we handle this." Sayu waited to see if her daughter had anything to say. It appeared she did not. "Are you listening to me?"

"I h-heard you," her daughter choked out.

"If you want to yell or scream at someone to get it out of your system – if it will help you feel better – then yell at me. Tell me how angry you are – tell me whatever you want – but please, don't take it out on someone else, especially those who are already giving you a hard time."

"Can I-.. p-please play-.. my v-violin?"

"Please don't shut me out like that…"

"I'm n-not… I'm just tired of talking r-right now."

Sayu sighed, not knowing if anything she had said had gotten through to her daughter or not, but she knew that playing the violin was her daughter's way of expressing herself and processing things.

"Well.. I know it makes you feel better..." She stood up and approached her daughter, taking a moment to draw her into a hug. "My father used to say that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind," she said softly as he daughter stilled in her embrace, "And I truly believe that. Please think about it, Chihiro." She gave her one last squeeze, feeling her daughter stiffen at the action, before letting her go, "I'm going to check on your brother."

As her daughter began to strike up an emotional tune, Sayu left the room in search of her son. She felt terrible not only for her own breakdown, but because it had upset her son so much that he had decided to flee. She ended up finding him in her mother's room, curled up on the bed and sniffling to himself in the silence.

"Soichiro?" she said gently as she sat down on the bed next to him. "Are you okay?"

"I don't like it when you and Chihiro are mad at each other," he said.

"Well-.. I'm sorry. She's not mad at me, and I'm not mad at her. She just needs some space," she said.

He sat up on the bed a little bit and looked in the direction of where the music was coming from, "She still sounds mad to me."

"She's-.. mad about Grandma and mad about the other kids at school," she explained with a sigh, "And speaking of which, don't worry about what those bullies said. They don't really know you, and they didn't know Grandma either. Grandma adored you and your sister. You two made her so happy-.. She was very proud of you."

He nodded mutely, apparently having nothing to add to or argue against what she said, and then muttered, "I miss Grandma so much. I want her back."

"I know. I do too, sweetheart," she whispered back. "Are you hungry? Do you want dinner?" Her son shook his head in response. "Do you want to stay in here for a while?" At that, he nodded and she smiled a little at him. "How about some ice cream? Would that make you feel a little better?" His nod was a little more vigorous this time. "Okay. I need to make a phone call real quick, but then I will bring you some ice cream, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed, his voice small but sounding warmer already.

When Sayu left the room, Chihiro was still playing her violin loudly. She made a detour to her room to look something up on her laptop before grabbing her phone and marching off to the kitchen. With shaking hands, she put in the number and waited as the line began to ring. While she waited, she held the phone against her ear with her shoulder and began to scoop out the ice cream for her son, placing a generous helping into the bowl and adding sprinkles on top just the way he liked.

The line suddenly picked up, answered by a woman who sounded much younger than Sayu. Squaring herself, Sayu said, "Hello, is this Mrs. Rintaro? This is Yagami Sayu, Soichiro and Chihiro's mom. Yes, I was just calling to tell you that your son needs to keep his god damn hands off my children."

* * *

**July 6, 2026**

But apparently neither Morimoto nor his friends were going to keep their hands, god damned or otherwise, off her children. In fact, the physical violence became decidedly worse. Over the next month, Sayu witnessed, on multiple occasions, as her children came home with an assortment of wounds. The absolute worst was when Soichiro came home with a large, dark line across his back, as if he had been struck with a pipe or something similar; in the same incident, Chihiro bore numerous bruises and marks all over her body, and her knuckles were dark, swollen, and covered in blood. While Sayu was hysterical over the state of her children and demanded to know what happened, Chihiro refused to answer, choosing instead to go into the other room and slam the door behind her. Loud, angry music from her violin followed shortly thereafter.

"Will _you_ tell me what happened, then?" Sayu pleaded with her son as she had him sit down so that she could examine the extent of his wounds.

Soichiro had pleas of his own, "Please don't be mad at Chihiro, Mom. Please."

"Why would I be mad at her?"

"Morimoto came and shoved me against the railing outside the school while we were leaving. I fell over it and then he came over to hit me more, but-…" he explained, and then his voice broke off into a whimper when Sayu touched his back just a little too hard, apparently.

"Sorry, honey," she said gently, leaving it alone for now and going to get an ice pack for him instead. "I promise I won't be mad at Chihiro. Just tell me what happened, please."

Her son hesitated greatly as they both listened to the angry intensity from Chihiro's violin in the other room. He then sighed and said, "Chihiro jumped on him. They both fell down and then she started hitting him in the face. He was bleeding and yelling at her to stop, but she wouldn't. And then two of Morimoto's friends pulled her off him and punched and kicked her until she started crying and yelling at them."

"Oh my God…" Sayu breathed, her breath hitching and her eyes stinging.

"Mom, please don't be mad at Chihiro," he begged again, "Please."

"I'm-.. I'm not mad at her. Not at all," she said. "It sounded like she was protecting you."

"She was. That's all. They were all three going to hurt me. And then they started hurting her and I couldn't help because my back was hurting so much."

"All right, that's enough. You don't have to tell me any more."

Her little boy nodded, "Can I go play games with Chihiro?"

"Go ahead," she said, handing over another ice pack to him, "Give this to her, please."

Once she excused him to the other room so that she could get dinner started, Sayu began to wonder why he was so insistent that she not be upset with Chihiro for defending him. She figured it must be because Chihiro told him about what Sayu had said about not fighting back. At least, that's what she assumed until her phone rang. Her brow crumpled when she saw the number, as it was not one that was programmed into her phone.

She answered with caution, "Hello?"

"Yagami Sayu?" came an abrasive female voice on the other end. Sayu blinked in confusion at the woman's rude tone. "This is Mrs. Rintaro, as you remember," the woman said, and of course Sayu remembered. The woman had been so unpleasant the last time they had spoken, it was hard for her to forget.

She ground her molars together and said, "I remember, and your-.."

The other woman cut her off harshly, "You need to have a talk with that daughter of yours about threatening people!"

Before she knew it, Sayu went from moderate to furious and found herself speaking sternly back at the insolent woman, "Excuse me? I need to have a talk with _my_ daughter? _Your_ _son_ is the one who has been beating up BOTH of my children!"

"My son has never laid a hand on anyone!"

"Oh yeah?" Sayu hissed, "Then why is he covered in bruises all the time? I suppose he's just clumsy?"

Sayu didn't really know if he was covered in bruises or not – she had never seen the child, but she was going by what her children had told her about how he was always coming to school with bruises and she simply assumed that they were from getting into fights, both with her own children as well as others. After all, it did not take a stretch of the imagination to assume that a kid who bullies one kid probably bullies others.

"He is NOT covered in bruises!" the woman denied with unexpected vehemence. "I don't know where you are getting this from – some shit your little hafu bastards are making up, I'm sure."

"EXCUSE ME?!" Sayu roared, all thoughts as to why the woman would lie about the bruises gone from her mind in an instant, "You have a lot of nerve! Now I know where-…"

"Listen here!" the woman interrupted yet again, her tone absolutely venomous, "The next time your daughter threatens to post my son's name on the internet for Kira to judge him, I'm going to call the police and report you!" the other woman screamed, and then the line was silent.

Sayu stood there, shocked, while the food on the stove began to boil over and burn. She didn't realize it was happening until she heard sizzling noises, whereupon she cursed and immediately removed the food from the burner. The kids, in the meantime, had come to investigate what all the shouting had been about.

"Mom, what happened?" Soichiro timidly asked.

Furious and roiling with emotion, Sayu snapped, "Chihiro, you need to explain yourself to me RIGHT NOW!"

Soichiro's reaction was instant. He wailed, "You promised you wouldn't be mad at her!"

"Well, that was _before_ I knew the whole story!" she yelled, and then drew in a breath in an attempt to calm herself down. "Go to your room – I need to talk to your sister. I'll deal with you later for lying to me."

"I-I didn't lie, Mom!"

"Omitting the truth _is_ lying. Now go to your room. And I better not hear you playing any video games in there or I will ground you from them for the rest of the year."

Soichiro's eyes welled up with tears and Sayu had never seen him looked so hurt before. She felt a little bad for that, but not bad enough to excuse his lie. What was going on with her children? First, her daughter thinks it's okay to threaten people and now her son thinks it's okay to lie? It was like the world had been flipped upside down. Her head was beginning to feel that way, anyway.

"Why are you mad at Soichiro?" Chihiro asked, her eyebrows drawn together in anger as she watched him slink away.

"Because he didn't bother to tell me that you threatened to post another kid's name on the internet for Kira," she replied, and it took nearly all her willpower to not go back to shouting. Chihiro, for once, looked both stunned and perhaps a little ashamed at being found out. "Yeah, I had to hear about that from Rintaro Morimoto's mother. That's who I just got off the phone with."

"But, Mom I wasn't really-.."

"It is _never_ okay to threaten someone like that, Chihiro. Do you understand? _Never_ okay."

"But, Mom, they were-.."

"I know what happened. Your brother told me everything, except that one little thing – unless he omitted _more_ ," Sayu said, giving Chihiro a look. The girl said nothing in response, and for some reason, that only infuriated Sayu all the more. "Look, I can understand why you jumped on Morimoto to protect your brother, but why would you-… I thought you didn't even believe in Kira."

"I don't," the girl said, meeting Sayu's gaze evenly, "But those bullies do, and it got them to leave us alone, at least so we could get away."

Sayu felt torn between understanding why her daughter would use such tactics and disapproving of them. Of course the children had no knowledge of who Kira really was and what all had happened during the time he was alive, much less that they were, in fact, related to him. Sayu had no plans of ever telling them that and to her it was irrelevant anyway.

"Death threats are beneath you. _Way_ beneath you. I raised you better than this."

"It's hardly a _real_ death threat," Chihiro countered with a scoff.

Sayu all but gawked at her, "And _that_ hardly matters! What matters is not stooping to their level."

"If I wanted to stoop to their level, I would single out some kids younger than myself, wait for them after school, and beat them up."

Sayu considered, for a second, the absurdity that she was having an argument like this with her nine-year-old daughter. She then ground out, "Don't split hairs with me."

"Fine. Whatever. You're right and I'm wrong. Can I go to my room now?"

Sayu knew that she had not gotten through to her daughter, but she was exhausted. It had been a long day at work, and then to come home to this-.. Sayu felt totally and utterly defeated.

"Yes," Sayu sighed. Her daughter turned around and started stomping off in the direction of the twins' playroom and stopped when Sayu added, "But only to get your brother. You will bring him back out here and the two of you are going to make dinner." Chihiro stared back at her at the unexpected response. "Everything I was making was ruined when I got that phone call and we all still need to eat, so I think it is only fair that you two make it."

"Fine…" the girl mumbled before turning to fetch her brother and stopping again when Sayu started speaking again.

"And after you are done with that, you will turn in your violin to me, Soichiro will give me his games, and you both will stay in your room and do your homework. You two are grounded."

"…That's not fair!"

"Yeah, well, life is full of unfair things."

"As if I didn't know that already!" the girl fumed, "After being bullied in school for YOUR MISTAKE, I would think at least YOU would be on our side, but I guess not!"

Her daughter's words sliced right through her, leaving her burning with horrible, raw emotion. "Don't you dare say that to me! You don't know anything about the choices I had to make and the sacrifices I have made for you! Of course I am on your side!" she said, her lips quivering both in anger and hurt, "I'm sorry my mistakes have made your life difficult, but that does _not_ give you the excuse to threaten to have someone _killed_!"

Frustrated, Chihiro spat, ".. _I hate you!_ We're not making your stupid dinner! We're not hungry!" Her words and ire tore Sayu apart even more. And then the girl turned around again and resumed her tantrum, stomping her way towards her brother.

Sayu went after her daughter, stopping her just as she was about to slam the door. "Then you can both go to bed hungry," she said, shaking as she marched over and to snatch Chihiro's violin away from her and then moving to collect all of the power cords to her son's various gaming systems. She almost stopped when her son began to cry and say he was sorry for lying, and begging them both to stop yelling at each other, but Sayu forced herself to turn a deaf ear to his pleas. She knew that, no matter what, she had to be strong and do what was right for the both of them, no matter how much pain she was in or how much it hurt her children.

With that done, she took one last look back at her children as she stood in the doorway and felt a sharp pang of sorrow stab through her heart. They were sitting together, hugging each other like they had done once upon time while they were still inside her womb, as if they were all they had left. Her son was crying and her daughter had never looked at her with such anger before. What was happening to her family? It seemed like her mother had been the last pin holding things together, and now that she was gone, everything was falling apart. She felt like a failure, like she was the worst mother ever. It was too much for her to take in that moment and she closed the door behind herself before she could let too much of her own hurt show on her face.

Going back into the kitchen, Sayu looked at the mess on the stove and let out a sigh that threatened to turn into a sob, so she held her breath and choked it back. But it didn't work. Her throat and sinuses became raw in seconds once she began to sob, the force of her turmoil opening up the floodgates and allowing everything within her to spill out. She didn't feel hungry anymore after that.

* * *

**July 19, 2026**

The next couple of weeks were some of the hardest weeks of her life that she could remember. She found it exceedingly difficult to focus on her work at the bakery, and as a result, she found herself messing up more orders than usual. She was not cut out for this kind of work to begin with, not like her mother had been, but her loss of focus made everything so much worse. She wished she could find something where she could stay tucked away and hidden from everybody, and not have to deal with angry customers face to face, but she never imagined how difficult it would be for a single mother to find a more respectable job. It was like the entire universe was simultaneously lining up against her and her children. It was bad enough that she ended up moving into her mother's old room, and allowing the children to keep her old room, so that they would not hear her crying at night. It's not like they wanted to co-sleep with her anymore anyway, even though they had slept together in the same bed every night since their birth - there was too much tension between them anymore.

Aside from that particular hardship, both of the twins became more and more withdrawn by the day, spending all of their time together in their room, refusing to come out except for meals and other necessities. Soichiro, who had once been quite the chatterbox, now rarely shared any of his silly stories, while Chihiro remained shrouded in a cloud of contemptible silence. Whenever Sayu did manage to get anything out of her about what was happening at school, all she would get was "Nothing" or other one-word answers. She did, at least, notice that neither of her children were sporting any new injuries, which made her feel a little better, despite the fact that this was probably due to the other kids having taken her threat seriously.

Her heart felt heavy from their obvious anger towards her, but she knew it was in their best interest that they understand the gravity of their behavior, although Chihiro in particular did not seem to be apologetic in the least. And although she stood by her decision to punish them, the house was admittedly quiet without the sound of Chihiro's violin or Soichiro's video games.

Something that did catch Sayu's attention was how her daughter, in the absence of her violin, had become more fidgety than usual and had taken to either tapping her fingers on a nearby surface or fiddling with the sleeves of whatever shirt she was wearing at the time, as if she constantly needed something to do with her hands.

Now, if there was anything that reminded Sayu of the kids' father, it was that. Sayu could remember quite clearly how Nate used to absently twirl his hair with his fingers - it was one of his very distinctive traits that Sayu used to find endearing. He used to twirl _her_ hair as well, whenever they were curled up together. He had even sometimes done it in his sleep while she smiled to herself in the darkness of her room. Sayu had never said anything to him about it because it seemed like he wasn't even aware he was doing it, and at the same time it seemed to comfort him. She thought the habit had something to do with helping his thought processes, but she also thought there was something more to it than that, something ingrained in him from early childhood.

The thought of such an intimate memory of the kids' father did not improve her mood in the least, though it did bring into question whether or not taking Chihiro's violin away from her for so long was causing her so much stress that she was developing other habits. Sayu weighed this against the severity of her daughter's infraction and decided that teaching her this particular lesson was more important.

In either case, she did come to the point where she had had enough of their standoffish behavior and called Matsuda when she was sure he was either getting off from work or would be very soon.

"Matsuda, I'm sorry to bother you," she said, her voice shaking from all the stress.

"Sayu? You're not bothering me. Is everything okay? What's going on?" he asked in a rush, clearly worried.

"It's the kids. I-..." she sucked in a breath and willed herself not to get worked up all over again, "I feel like I am losing them."

"Losing them? What do you mean?"

Regardless of her efforts to remain calm, however, she could not stop her voice from shaking, "There was an incident a couple weeks ago. The kids that have been bullying them waited for them after school to beat them up, and Chihiro threatened to post one of the kids' names on the internet to get them to stop."

"…Are you serious? Why would she-…"

"Believe me, we had a-.. conversation.. about it. I had a conversation with both of them. Apparently Chihiro blames me for everything, and I'm pretty sure Soichiro blames me too, now. And now they are shutting me out," she explained, her voice growing hoarse. "I don't know what to do. This is normally where my mom would come in and fix everything, but of course she can't now. I keep-.. expecting her to come home from work and put everything right. I still can't believe she's gone…" she said, an involuntary sob distorting the last word.

"I'm sorry, Sayu," he said gently.

"It's not your fault," she replied, sniffling and rubbing her eyes. "I'm sorry for making you listen to all of this."

"You aren't making me do anything. Listen - is it okay if I come over?"

Sayu pressed her knuckles into her eyes and said, "Sure. Maybe they will listen to you."

"I'll be right there," he said, and then they hung up.

Matsuda showed up less than an hour later with a trio of ice cream sundaes. He smiled at Sayu as he handed one of them to her and then ushered her off to the couch. "Here, sit down and relax. Let me take care of this - I have an idea."

"Thank you," she muttered, taking a bite of the ice cream and feeling the slightest bit better from the sugar.

He flashed her a smile in return before going and knocking on the door to the children's playroom. "Hello? Did someone order two sundaes? Or do I have the wrong address?"

Sayu shook her head and then smiled when she heard the twins say, "Hey!" and "Uncle Matsuda!" at the same time, followed by the door closing, and then by muffled voices as the three of them got to talking. She did feel a twinge of jealousy at his warm reception, but it was a relief to at least hear them perk up so much. She was left wondering why she had not called Matsuda any sooner, wondering just how much of this could have been avoided if she had reached out to him the first time her children came home sporting bruises. Matsuda may not be the best at giving advice, but he did have a way of simplifying things and making them easier to understand - something Sayu appreciated greatly about him, especially since her thoughts seemed to always be working on overdrive and getting scrambled. It was also something that worked well for the children. They loved asking him questions, and whenever he didn't have an answer, he was not the least bit shy about telling them as much.

For the first time in several weeks, Sayu felt a little relaxed, so much so that she did not realize how much time had passed since Matsuda's arrival until he emerged from the room a couple hours later. He approached her and sat down next to her on the couch. "I think they will be just fine," he said, offering her a friendly smile.

Sayu felt apprehensive despite his reassurance. "What did you three talk about?"

Matsuda suddenly looked a bit apprehensive himself, which set Sayu on edge all over again. He took a breath and said, "I hope you won't be mad at me, Sayu..." Sayu closed her eyes and sighed, not sure she wanted to hear it but hoping maybe it would not be as bad as Matsuda thought it was. "..but I told them about your father and the Kira case."


	5. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do believe this is the final chapter to this part. Please see the end for additional notes. Hang on tight!

**July 19, 2026**

Admittedly, at first, Sayu wanted to rip Matsuda's head off - not metaphorically or figuratively or whatever word was deemed most fitting by Webster, but to actually rip his friggin' head off, stuff it into a box, and ship it back to the rest of his waiting corpse. After everything she had gone through with the Kira case, of _course_ she wanted to keep it all as far away from her children as possible. Wasn't having to hear about it and put up with it from the masses and the media bad enough? _Why_ would she _ever_ want her children to see how much it had affected her, and how much her family - _their_ family - had suffered from it? Why, oh _why_ , did Matsuda think that bringing up the case itself with her children was a good idea? And how dare he undermine her yet _again_?

When Sayu verbalized this much to Matsuda with all the eloquence of a sailor, he miraculously did not flee the premises. Either he had balls of steel or he had a death wish, but seeing as Sayu was not truly interested in seeing anything of Matsuda below his waist, she was betting on the latter. Either way, she was surprised that her burning glare did not simultaneously set him on fire and cause his rapid departure.

Instead of fleeing, though, his response was, "I wasn't trying to undermine you, Sayu - I was only thinking of what might help the kids. You _did_ ask me for my help, after all."

"Yes, I did, but I didn't think your idea of helping the kids was to go blabbing to them about the Kira case! And you don't even have the excuse of being drunk this time!"

While her words did cause a small flush to break out on Matsuda's cheeks, he still did not back down, "Please stop yelling at me. Don't you think that's going to stress the kids out more, who are probably listening to us right now?"

"Don't tell me what to do!" she snarled. She then took a breath, blew out a steamy breath of air, and willed herself to calm down anyway once she realized he was right. The last thing she wanted was to stress out the kids even more. "Look," she started once she believed she was calm enough to speak more rationally, "When I asked you for your help with the kids, I thought you were going to-.. I don't know-.. give them a pep talk and try to explain to them why lying and threatening to post someone's name online is a bad thing. I don't get why you think sharing information about the Kira case with them was a good idea."

"First off, I _did_ give them a pep talk and explain why lying and threatening someone like that is a bad thing. And second, I didn't necessarily share any information about the _case_ with them, Sayu. I'm sorry if I gave off that impression," he said, his mouth flat and sincere. "I only told them about your dad and _his work_ on the Kira case. I thought it would help them feel better about themselves. You know.. give them something to feel proud of. Something for them to strive to be."

"What do you mean by that?"

"The kids don't really-.. they know next to nothing about the rest of their family, right? Half of their family doesn't even exist to them, and the other half-.. most of them died before they were born," he said gently, obviously hoping to avoid hurting Sayu more by opening old wounds. Too late for that, Sayu thought as he went on, "They face ridicule every day for these things, and then when they try to stand up for themselves, they-.. they get ridiculed for that, too."

Sayu interjected immediately, "I wasn't ridiculing them. I was being their mother and teaching them right from wrong."

"I get that. I really do - honest," he said, holding up his hands in a disarming manner, as if that could prove his comprehension skills, "I'm just saying that right now, I think-.. they must feel really alone and were just trying to protect each other. I'm not saying that what they did was right, but-.. I don't think they think too highly of themselves, either way."

Sayu opened her mouth to say something, but closed it immediately when she realized that not only was he right, but she also felt the same way. When she was finally able to speak, she said, "So... how can I fix that? God, this is-.. I can't change who their father is, and I can't change what others think of them for it either."

Her friend gave her a curious look for a moment before he said, "You can't change those things, no.. but that's why I told them that I know what it's like to be ridiculed by almost everyone around you for being different. I have faced a lot of ridicule in my life – from my parents, from my colleagues-.." He paused, his eyes flickering to hers before quickly looking away, which immediately made her feel guilty.

"Matsuda…" she sighed, frowning. "I'm not ridiculing you either, at least I'm not trying to. It's just that-.."

"..-I'm not their father. I get it."

"That's not what I was going to say," Sayu said, exasperated. "In fact, you're the closest thing they will ever have to a father," she explained, and she did not miss the small, warm smile that grew on her friend's lips, "I'm fine with having you in their lives, but sometimes you just-.. you make these decisions without asking me first."

"I am sorry for doing that - yet again, apparently," he replied with a sigh of his own.

"I understand that you only wanted to help the kids, especially since I asked for your help, but I don't understand how this is supposed to help them."

"That's what I am trying to explain," he said, "What I'm trying to say is-.. I didn't used to have the greatest confidence in myself, as an officer or as-.. as anybody, really.. until your father took me under his wing. He understood where a lot of my ideas were coming from when no one else would even listen to me. Maybe he thought some of my ideas were stupid too sometimes, but he believed in me more than anyone else. And not only that, but he was one of the most honorable men I have ever known – a real hero. He was someone I looked up to, and even now, whenever I am faced with a problem, I try to think, 'What would the old chief have done?'"

Sayu was very quiet throughout his whole explanation. She had never known just how much Matsuda idolized her father, but of course it made sense that he did. Sayu herself had idolized him once upon a time - and like Matsuda, she modeled a lot of her decisions based on what she felt her father would have done. It was a huge driving force behind why she was so adamant about punishing the children for their recent infractions - she knew that if she had done something similar as a child, her father would have made certain she knew exactly why what she did was wrong and that she would never do it again. He was always somewhat of a hard ass when it came to these kinds of things, but it was because of that that she also knew how kind of a person he really was. She never realized how much she relied on his approval on everything, and how much he provided her with a sense of direction, until after he was gone. And knowing that she would never truly know if he was proud of her or not would always be a huge blow to her own sense of self-worth, especially since she felt like she kept screwing up no matter what she did.

"I just wanted to share some of that with them, because I thought it would help them."

"And do you think it really helped them?"

"I could tell that Soichiro really took it to heart. He told me he was sorry for lying and that he was only trying to protect Chihiro, especially because she got hurt protecting him."

"And... Chihiro?"

"Well.. she didn't say a lot after I explained everything to them, but she did say she was sorry for threatening the other kids in the way that she did. She only wanted them to leave her and her brother alone. It sounds like it worked, too."

Sayu frowned, "Matsuda, that's not the point."

"I know, I know, I get it. Honestly, I completely understand why she did what she did. It doesn't make it right, of course."

"So, _did_ she understand?"

"I think she did, she just-.. doesn't want to admit it. She's so darn stubborn."

Sayu let out a deep sigh, not feeling entirely reassured by his explanation. Matsuda was right, though - she was pretty darn stubborn.

"But.. she comes by it honestly, I think."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sayu groused.

"Sayu - really?" Matsuda laughed, "Your whole family is the stubbornest family I have ever known." Sayu gave him a sour look, but he ignored it. "But-.. you're also the strongest family I have ever known. You've all survived so much. I'm honored to be a part of it. Well, somewhat a part of it, anyway," he quickly added, blushing a little again.

Feeling much better than she did even a few moments ago, she offered him a small smile, "You are a part of it."

* * *

**September 26, 2026**

In the months that followed Matsuda's discussion with the children, Sayu noted a marked improvement in their overall demeanor, chiefly her son's. Her daughter still seemed to be a bit more standoffish than before, but Sayu figured a lot of that had to do with the fact that she had not relented and given them back their favorite things right away. In truth, this did not last much longer because it was then summer vacation for the kids, and Sayu still had to go to work. She could not see what good it would do them to continue to keep them away from their things any longer. After all, she knew firsthand just how destructive they could be when they were bored - doing mold experiments on bread by hiding it around the house, mixing different shampoos together to make new scents, leaving bits of ice cream on their windowsill so they could observe the ants that would come to visit, to name a few - and Sayu did not want to have to deal with their messes made out of boredom after a long day of work. On one hand, Sayu would have been more than happy to put up with any of these things if it meant getting her children back to their normal, happier selves; but on the other hand, she supposed she would just have to be patient for things to return to the way they were before, if they ever would, that is.

Aside from that, their lives did move on. Matsuda did drop by more often - as often as he could after work, despite his business with all the copycat killings still going on. He would occasionally take the family out for lunch or dinner, something that Sayu declined at first, but after seeing how happy it made the twins, decided to accept. Such outings became fewer and further between once the children resumed school at the end of August, but Sayu and Matsuda made it a point to set aside some time at least once a week to take the kids out for something fun.

It was with this new routine that Sayu found herself sitting in a busy café with her family, plus Matsuda, on a warm day in September. The four of them sat at a small, round table, talking about anything and everything while they indulged in a variety of petite cakes and a pot of green tea.

"Hey, I was going to eat that one!" Soichiro cried in dismay the moment Chihiro made a grab for the remaining strawberry cake.

"What, am I supposed to be able to read your mind or something?" she smirked as she began to teasingly poke the cake with her fork.

"Chi _hir_ oooo!" the boy wailed, a huge, pathetic frown on his face.

Sayu smiled at the bickering twins. "Why don't you two split it?"

"I guess I can do that," Chihiro conceded.

"Well, yeah, but-.. how do we split the strawberry on top?" Soichiro queried.

Matsuda suddenly interjected with a grin, "Like _this_!" while quickly reaching over with his fork and stealing the strawberry in question off the top of the little cake. "It's mine now!"

"Hey!" both twins shouted in unison, wearing identical expressions of outrage and both making over-dramatized grabs for the fork. Matsuda snickered and pulled away from each of their attempts, and together the three of them drew quite a bit of attention from the other guests, which went largely ignored by the whole family.

Sayu was tickled to the point where she let out a small chuckle as she watched them from behind her cup of tea. It felt good to laugh, especially after everything they had all been through in the last year. It was a genuine and honest feeling, one that left Sayu feeling light-hearted and happy, like maybe everything would be all right after all. Things certainly seemed to feel that way, especially when Matsuda was there, making them all laugh at his silly antics. It was easy to forget about the pain in her heart whenever he was telling one of his stupid jokes or regaling her and the twins with his recounts of the dumbest criminals he had ever helped put behind bars.

Finally, Matsuda surrendered and replaced the strawberry on top of the cake. "Here's how you do it," he said with a smile, grabbing Soichiro's fork and splitting the cake and strawberry down the middle as best as he could.

Satisfied, both twins make quick work of their half of the cake, leaning back in their chairs once they were done and looking content.

"Here," said Matsuda once everyone appeared to be finished eating for the time being, "Why don't you two go hit up the arcade around the corner and let your mom and I talk?" His suggestion was followed by a few bills extracted from his wallet and being offered to the twins.

"Thank you, Uncle Matsuda!" they said at nearly the same time, their chairs scraping against the floor as they stood up to accept the money.

"Matsuda-.." Sayu started, wondering if it was a good idea to just be handing out money to the kids and sending them off on their own, but then it hit her that she was seeing her kids happier than they had been in a long time. Matsuda blinked at her abruptness. She sighed and allowed herself to smile a little at him, "Never mind. Have fun, kids."

"Thanks, Mom," they said, briefly turning back to Matsuda before setting off, the bell on the door to the cafe jangling as they exited. Sayu thought she saw the three of them exchange a meaningful look of some kind, but she brushed it off as the kids being grateful for their uncle's generosity.

Sayu stuck her fork in the little cake, not really intending on eating it as she felt full, and said, "You have really spoiled them lately."

Matsuda gave her a confused look, as if he was not sure her statement was one of disapproval or not. Apparently he decided to err on the side of caution, because he said, "Well.. I'm sorry, I guess."

"No, I mean-.. It's good to see them this happy again."

"Oh. Well, that's a relief. I thought you were going to tell me I was confusing them again," he said, and he looked relieved too, at least until Sayu gave him a sour look, at which point he hurriedly added, "Not that you think that, of course. Unless you do."

"Not really; not anymore. I think we are beyond the point of confusing them in that regard. After all the stuff going on at school and everything, they are-.. painfully aware that they don't have a father," she said with an exhausted exhale. The last few months had indeed been a challenge, to say the least.

"Right," Matsuda said uselessly, quirking his lips to the side in a look that made Sayu wonder what was really on his mind. It seemed she didn't have to try too hard to figure it out, because he said, "Sayu-... I, um..."

Sayu was suddenly very much aware of the fact that Matsuda was blushing and soon she found herself blushing as well, for no particular reason other than she knew he was about to say something dramatic. But she did nothing to stop it. Instead, she focused extra hard on stirring the cooled remnants of her tea while Matsuda fumbled with a few syllables before finding his voice again.

"Why not-... Why not let _me_ be their father?" he finally managed.

Her eyes immediately left the cup of tea and met his, her eyebrows coming together, "How do you mean? You pretty much are already - I thought we agreed on that."

"Well, yeah, I guess, but not-.. _officially_.. or anything."

Sayu's face felt warmer than ever, and it had nothing to do with the late summer heat that was wafting in from outside every time the door opened. "I'm not sure what you-.."

But she did have an idea, and it was reinforced by the stereotypical small black box that Matsuda had suddenly produced from his trouser pocket. He slid the box across the table towards her and Sayu could see his hand shaking as he did so. She could do little more than stare at it, dumbfounded, afraid to look up and see him watching her or see if anyone else around them was watching her as well.

"I meant to ask you sooner-.. much sooner. I was going to ask you last Christmas, but I-.. Obviously I lost my nerve, heh," he said with a humorless, single-syllable chuckle. "And then I was going to ask you later, but the stuff with your mom-.. There was just never a good time. I didn't want to interfere with the time you had left with your mom and make it about me," he went on, and Sayu could hear the sincerity in his voice, "And then with everything going on at work and trying to help the kids, well-.. I think you see what I mean."

"Yeah, I guess," she replied, feeling light-headed.

"I know I'm not very good at expressing myself. Hell, I can barely put two sentences together without fumbling over my words - except for those two sentences, apparently," he said, this time with a chuckle that was both friendly and light-hearted. Sayu found herself letting out a small chuckle of her own, which only made Matsuda smile at her more. In spite of all the noise in her head, it still felt good to laugh. "But in all seriousness, Sayu, even though we have never gone on even one date together, I feel like-.. Gosh, this sounds stupid. I feel like we have been together for a very long time already. I know you probably don't feel that way," he hurriedly said when she opened her mouth to respond, "But that's how I feel. And I'm not mad at all that we have never been anything more than friends before - being your friend has been a privilege and an honor, and I am equally honored that you have allowed me to be such a big part of Chihiro and Soichiro's lives, despite my many screw-ups. I-.. I'm monologuing, aren't I?"

Sayu smirked, "A bit."

"Oh, well, I'll try to cut it short, then," he said warmly, "I'm getting older and-.. I want a family. I have wanted one for a very long time and I think of you and the kids as my family. And I want to be able to help you, especially now that-.. now that your mom is gone."

"So you're saying.. that you want to marry me because you think it would be convenient for both of us?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Now Matsuda's face went from pink to bright red. "No no no, that's not it at all. I didn't mean to make it sound that way. What I meant was-.. I want to be there for the three of you, more than I can be now. I want to be there when Chihiro performs in her first concert and I want to teach Soichiro how to play baseball, or whatever sport he wants, if he's even interested anyway. I want to be able to go to the kids' next Show and Tell and call myself their father and show off my badge to all the kids who have been picking on them. And if that doesn't work, then I want to be there for them when they have a bad day. And I want to be able to take care of you when you're too sick to work, or-.. or-.. or when you're depressed and don't feel like getting out of bed. And.. things like that." He waited for a second, looked like he was repeating his words back to himself in his head to make sure they made sense, and then gave a single, firm nod before meeting her gaze again.

Despite the fact that his offer sounded very alluring, in its own way, Sayu could not ignore the conflicting emotions that clouded her thoughts. They were impossible to grasp in the moment, but even so, she hesitated.

"Matsuda, I don't know if-.. I don't know if I can give you a good answer right now," she said honestly, feeling immediately guilty when Matsuda frowned as he slumped in his chair. "I just mean that I am.. so confused about everything right now, I can't think straight. My mind feels like a typhoon came through and I am still trying to pick up the debris. I feel so messed up..."

"Well, let's be messed up together," Matsuda said with a small, tentative smile.

Sayu tried to return it, but she could not. "You don't understand. It's been just me and the kids for so long, even when my mom was still alive... I don't know if I-.." she broke off, feeling terrible and lost, and then she looked him square in the eye. "I can't even put it into words right now."

"I understand," he said dejectedly.

"I'm not saying no, Matsuda," she clarified, and hoped she didn't regret saying that later if she did actually decide to say no, "You are my best friend and I-.. I don't want to hurt you by giving you an answer that didn't come from a clear mind. That's why I am asking if you can give me some time to think about it."

"I can respect that," he said, "I won't push the issue."

"I'm really sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You haven't," he said softly, offering her the tiniest of smiles. "I'm sorry for dropping this on you suddenly."

"No, it's okay, really. I just, um-.. Thanks for understanding, as always," she said, putting her hand on the box and wondering if she should give it back to him or not. She looked up in surprise when his hand landed on hers, halting her.

"Hang onto it for now. Please," he said imploringly, casting a surreptitious eye around the room and flushing.

"Sorry," she said, understanding his fluster and immediately taking the box and settling it in her purse, where it felt like her purse had suddenly become invisible and everyone could see what was inside of it.

Her purse was not the only thing that felt transparent after that. Once she called her children back from the arcade so that they could go home for the evening, she could not ignore the curious glances and little smirks they kept sending her way, like they knew something that she did not. This continued all the way through to their bedtime. After Soichiro asked sweetly if they could sleep in Sayu's bed with her (in "Grandma's old bed") and Sayu agreed - having missed having the two of them by her side - she helped tuck them in and tell them "good night" as she always did.

As she was tucking them in, Chihiro bit her lip and said, "Please say 'yes', Mom."

"Please," her son echoed.

The thought that they somehow knew about what had happened in the cafe during their absence all at once hit her. "..How did you two know about that?"

"Uncle Matsuda asked us for permission to ask you to marry him," her daughter answered.

"And we said YES!" Soichiro blurted, grinning from ear to ear, gaining a nod of agreement from his sister.

"When was this?" Sayu inquired.

"A few months ago, when he told us about Grandpa," Chihiro answered.

Sayu was momentarily taken off guard by the fact that the three of them had been planning this for quite some time, thinking back to their behavior since Matsuda had his talk with them. Nothing stood out other than their reluctant return to what she deemed normal. She blinked at her children and noticed they were both grinning at her and also looked expectant of her answer.

She said, "You realize that if I tell him yes, he won't be 'Uncle' Matsuda anymore."

"So?" said Chihiro.

"We want to call him 'Dad'!" Soichiro said, excited.

"He's pretty much our dad anyway."

"Yeah."

Sayu bit her lip, feeling uncertain. "You really think I should say yes?"

Both children nodded.

"Why?"

"Because we are all happier when he's around," said Soichiro.

"Especially you," said Chihiro.

"Anyone can tell that he loves you."

"And we think you love him, too."

"Oh, really?" said Sayu. She was not sure if she sounded surprised or not, but she could not help but feel surprised on some level.

"We think that you just don't realize it because you're always so worried about us," Soichiro chipped in.

"But we don't want you to always worry about us - we want you to be happy, Mom."

"Because you deserve to be happy."

Sayu felt so moved by their words that at first she could not, in fact, actually move - even as she felt her heart swell uncomfortably in her chest. When she finally could move, it was to say, "And.. you really think Matsuda will make me happy?"

The twins nodded vigorously. Sayu felt reluctant to agree with them, mostly because she felt like the only things that would ever make her happy were the children themselves. But maybe they were right – maybe she was the one holding herself back from letting anyone else in. After so much heartbreak and being let down so many times, how could she let anyone else in? Could she even remember how to let anyone in? She had long ago decided, after the birth of her children, that they were the only ones she could love – with the exception of her mother. How could she possibly let Matsuda in and love him in the way that he deserved to be loved?

Her son looked at her with those eyes of his that made it hard for her to say no and said, "Please think about, Mom?"

She offered him a small smile, "I will."

"Are you coming to bed soon?"

"Soon - I need to get some chores done first, though."

"Okay."

Sayu flashed them one last smile before flipping off the light. She turned to close the door behind her when she suddenly heard, "Mom? Wait."

She turned around, allowing the light from the hallway to spill into the room, illuminating her daughter as she sat up on the bed, looking troubled. Sayu's brow crumpled and she asked, "What is it, hon?"

The girl fiddled with the fringe of the blanket, looking down at it in a sheepish manner that was most unlike her. Sayu waited patiently while the girl sorted out what she wanted to say and was taken by surprise when she uttered, "I'm sorry."

Sayu took in a breath, feeling a sharp twinge in her heart at her daughter's sincerity. "I'm sorry, too."

That seemed to be all that was needed to be said between them, because they exchanged a smile and Chihiro appeared to be much more comfortable.

"I love both of you - so much," she said, "No matter what. Please don't ever forget that."

"Same for us, Mom," Chihiro said, her brother nodding in agreement.

After exchanging their good nights, Sayu closed the door and was finally able to get started on the chores that had been left mostly untouched, seeing as they had been out and about with Matsuda for a good portion of the day. She began with the dishes from breakfast.

As she got started, she reflected on how far they had come as a family in the ten years since the birth of the twins and just how big of a role Matsuda had truly played in it all. Her initial thoughts revealed tension and general discontent with some of his more spontaneous decisions, but looking beyond on that, she realized just how much these very decisions had impacted her family in positive ways. His decisions to buy the kids gifts (however expensive) against Sayu's desires had in turn inspired the kids' current hobbies - although video games might not be as constructive as a violin, her son was at least staying out of trouble by opting to keep to himself to play them. She did long for a time when they might be able to make friends outside of each other, but she knew that that day would one day come, if they could all keep each other afloat until then.

That was another thing. Matsuda had truly played his part in keeping the family afloat. Not financially (although she had never asked for money, he had snuck in small donations here and there by way of holiday and birthday gifts), but emotionally, especially since Sachiko's death. Matsuda had somehow snuck into their lives, squeezing his way in beginning with the birthdays and holidays. And now his presence was such a regular thing, it felt quite natural.

All of this was fine and dandy and all, but was marrying him really the best idea? Regarding the children, it was an excellent idea. They would be cared for more easily. Chihiro would be able to get a new violin, one that suited her age range and skill. Soichiro would have someone who was more willing to play his video games with him, for although Sayu and Chihiro would play with him when asked, they were not as into them as he was. They would hopefully not have to face the same workforce discrimination in the future that Sayu herself had faced as a result of their illegitimacy. The kids would finally have someone that they could call their father, even though he was not biologically so. They would have someone whose footsteps they could follow, as both had expressed possible interest in law enforcement some day - whether this was a passing fancy or true inspiration remained to be seen, but both of them at least liked hearing Matsuda's explanations when it came to cases and such. It was a path she would be nothing but proud for them to follow, if that was what they chose.

As the children had pointed out, though, what of her own happiness? Sayu could not deny that she did feel overall happier whenever Matsuda was around, but as she had thought about earlier, she was so used to being without any companionship, she was not sure she would be able to fully return to that kind of closeness. She had not even been intimate with anyone since Nate - a fact which surprised her once she realized it. She supposed it shouldn't be all that shocking - after the kids were born, she did not have the time, interest, or energy to pursue a relationship with anyone else. And with Matsuda, even in the moments when she felt like maybe there could have been something more with him, she still held him at an arm's length away. It seemed even he was aware of this. Though he had told her he did not mind so much, Sayu still wondered if maybe she was being too distant. The trouble was, she did not know how else to be anymore. That ship had sailed, or so they say. But was it possible for that ship to return and take on another passenger?

As Sayu finished up the dishes and moved on to collecting and sorting the trash, she paused to remove from her purse the box she had received earlier. She had not actually looked at the ring earlier in the cafe, feeling too self-conscious and flustered to do so. She stared at it now, feeling a torrent of emotions roiling inside of her and again feeling reluctant to open it, before taking a breath and pulling open the lid. Inside the plain black box lay a fairly simple white gold band with a single diamond in the middle, miniature vine-like designs winding around the outside of the band. It was simple. Nothing over the top. Something pretty much exactly like what Sayu had used to picture when she was much younger. Her friends had always talked about how big of a diamond they wanted - or wanting multiple diamonds - but Sayu had always said that the ring would not matter as much to her and she would have been happy with something more down-to-earth. Of course, they had all thought she was being modest for some silly reason, but it was the absolute truth. A ring was just a ring, after all. It did not prove anything, and certainly did not prove that a man would forever be loyal or loving, as high divorce rates continued to prove. She had always thought that when she met the right man, surely he would give her a modest ring to reflect that.

Smiling, Sayu removed the ring from the box and slipped it on, gazing upon it as it hugged her ring finger. It seemed as natural as anything else and that alone should mean something, she thought. She briefly wondered how he had known her exact ring size, but then figured the kids had gone through her jewelry box and given Matsuda the size while they were all plotting behind her back. They would certainly have had ample time to do so while she was at work and they were stuck at home alone for summer vacation. The thought made her shake her head and laugh a little to herself.

Still smiling, she finished filling the trash bin with the disposable trash and removed the burdened bag from the bin, tying it off and heading outside to leave it for curbside pick-up in the morning. If that very action did not feel like a metaphor for moving forward with her life, she did not know what would.

* * *

**September 27, 2026**

Matsuda was in the middle of getting ready for work when his phone started ringing in the other room. Who the heck would be calling him at 7:00 in the morning? It better not be the chief. He wasn't late yet - he wasn't due in until 7:30 at the latest. That still gave him a few minutes to dawdle around before hitting the road and dealing with the snarls of morning rush hour traffic.

With a baffled look, he left his bathroom, grabbed his phone off his nightstand, and was surprised to see that Sayu was calling him. He answered the phone with some unease, thinking maybe she was calling to give him her answer to his marriage proposal, and was taken completely off guard by the sound of Chihiro's voice instead.

"Uncle Matsuda, please help. Please help," she said, and although she was trying to remain calm, she was obviously distressed, "Mom's gone."

"Woah, woah, calm down," he said, his heart going from zero to sixty in an instant. "What do you mean your mom is gone?"

"I don't know," she replied shakily, "Mom usually wakes us up for breakfast before leaving for work, but she didn't this morning. We just woke up a few minutes ago and can't find her anywhere."

Matsuda felt his heart thump in his chest, "Are you sure she didn't go in to work earlier than usual? Or go to the store?"

"No, I'm sure she didn't. She would have at least left us a note," Chihiro pulled in a wavering breath and pushed it back out, "She said she was going to stay up after we went to bed to get some chores done, but the chores aren't finished."

"What do you mean?"

"The trash was taken out, but the trash bin doesn't have a new liner in it. And all her stuff is still here and the door was unlocked."

"Did you check outside by the bins on the curb?"

"I did," she answered and Matsuda could tell that she was about to start crying, "The bag is there, but it's not in the bin. Uncle Matsuda, please-…"

"Chihiro, I'm going to come over, but I need you to keep yourself and your brother calm until I get there. Can you do that?"

"Yes," she agreed, drawing in another shuddering breath.

"Don't go to school – both of you stay in the house. And don't worry, I'll be there soon," he said as soothingly as he could, though of course telling the kids not to worry was useless – he was worried himself. And then, as an afterthought, he added, "Lock the door."

Immediately after hanging up the phone with Chihiro, he dialed up Aizawa and gathered his wallet and keys while it rang.

"Aizawa," he said when the other man answered, "I'm going to be late coming in."

"Oh, really?" the police chief grumbled, but not without a hint of mocking humor in his voice, "For what reason? Up too late watching infomercials?"

Matsuda was in no mood to be teased, in good humor or otherwise, "No. The kids just called. Sayu is missing."

All of the grouchy accusation left Aizawa in a hurry, " _Missing?_ What do you mean she's missing?"

"I don't know yet. The kids woke up and can't find her anywhere. I'm on my way over right now to check it out."

There was silence for a moment in which Matsuda assumed Aizawa was just as stunned by the news as he was. And then, "Call me as soon as you hear anything."

"I will," Matsuda said and then ended the call just as he was reaching his car. He flung himself into the seat and was off.

It took all of his willpower to not speed or run any red lights. The usual twenty minute drive seemed to stretch on for much longer and Matsuda could swear that people were driving slower than usual today, specifically to get on his nerves. When he finally reached the Yagami home, the kids let him in and began rapidly speaking in turns about what had happened that morning. Both of them had eyes as wide as saucers and were visibly shaken.

"Calm down," he implored after they nearly overwhelmed him with their broken, alternating sentences. "Show me what you were telling me earlier, Chihiro."

"The trash bin," she said, going over to it and pointing. "It's been emptied, but there's no new liner."

Matsuda went after her and took his turn looking around the place. Sure enough, everything the girl had explained was true. Sayu's phone, purse, and keys were still on the counter top, and right beside all of that was the box he had given her the day before. Curiosity urged him to peek inside the box to see if the ring still resided within, but there were definitely more pressing issues at hand.

He picked up Sayu's phone, which had no lock on it presumably so the kids could use it, and scrolled through her text messages and inbound and outbound call logs. He sighed when he saw that he was the only one who had any personal communications with her since the last time she had cleared out the history, which had been several weeks ago. He checked online for the only other number listed in the call logs and discovered it was the number to the bakery at which she worked, which had not been called for several days.

Still, he decided to call the number from his own mobile phone, which succeeded in revealing that Sayu indeed had not shown up to work that morning.

Now feeling overwhelmingly apprehensive and feeling a dreadful, sick feeling in his gut, he said to the kids, "Wait here. I'll be right back."

The feeling only worsened when he hiked outside to the curbside rubbish bin and saw the bag of trash Chihiro had mentioned earlier, laying outside of the bin itself, as if Sayu had dropped it there and forgotten it. Matsuda did not like where his mind was going with this. His mind had a tendency to go to all sorts of crazy places, and at this point he was desperately hoping for someone to come shoot down his idea and call him an idiot for it. In fact, he would have been more than happy to be called an idiot right now if it meant he was wrong.

Trembling immensely, he removed his phone from his pocket, punched in a number, and waited impatiently while it rang.

"Yes, hello, this is-.." he paused to clear the hoarseness from his throat and continued, "This is Detective Touta Matsuda. I need to report a possible kidnapping."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end to this part of the series. I accept any wrath I may receive and feel I must warn anyone reading this that things only continue to get darker from here. If you do not feel you can handle this, then I will not be offended if you stop reading. But either way, thank you for reading up to this part and I hope you decide to stay tuned. Please feel free to ask me any questions. :)


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